In Scripture we are told to hunt for wisdom as if hunting for gold (Proverbs 2:4). My search for wisdom regarding issues related to affairs has taken me to many places and brought me in contact with many people.
Since gold is found in some unlikely and barren places, it follows that wisdom is found in some barren experiences as well.
After losing my father, I looked deeper into the experience of loss. One of the things I’ve considered is what I have missed out on and lost.
That loss helped me see the wisdom contained in a quote by the researcher Robert J. Ackerman related to affairs. He said, “The pain is not in realizing being a victim, it was when they realized what they lost.”
Having lost my father, I understand what he’s getting at. Being a victim of loss or an affair has its own pain. The biggest part of the pain is not what you just experienced, but rather in the realization of what you lost.
When it hits you, there is a massive realization of the missed opportunities, conversations and experiences. All the things you wanted to say and hear are …gone.
Those intangible moments that could have, yet didn’t happen are hard to let go of. A big part of the relationship loss I face now is dealing with what was lost.
A big part of your struggle will be in considering what you lost with the affair. Relationship loss is painful.
You consider all the things that could have happened in your relationship. Those loses are a bitter pill to swallow. Those loses are also one of the obstacles that require effort in forgiving.
Letting go of what could have been. Letting go of the relationship that didn’t happen is tough. Not only is it tough, it’s messy. It brings up many unpleasant emotions and ugly thoughts.
If any relationship is real, it’s messy. Relationships have ways of making your life very messy.
When a relationship is worth keeping, forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing.
Forgiveness doesn’t give you back all of what you lost. It provides relief along with getting your heart and mind back. It brings healing to you as you go through the loss.
When you are ready for forgiveness, the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” gives you the how behind forgiveness. It’s one of those videos you’ll have to repeat again and again, as you take forgiveness to deeper and deeper levels of your being.
Forgiveness doesn’t bring back all that was lost. It does help carry the burdens and make the journey easier to handle.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
