When you are faced with an affair, you will eventually have to deal with the question of “What is Normal” in terms of the cheating behavior. Your idea of ‘normal’ may have been shaped by your parents, the Bible, television, family history or Playboy magazine. Your definition of normal is important. It has been shaped by many influences. What you consider normal will determine what you are willing to condone or put up with and what you will not. You and your spouse may also have different ideas of what is ‘normal’. This confusion over which standard you decide on using when looking at the cheating will make all the difference in your approach to the cheating.
You may consider your behavior ‘normal’ while your spouse considers it cheating or the other way around. Each of you will likely seek out authorities to validate your position and discredit your spouses. Such actions often do not lead to cooperation, but rather competition over whose views are ‘right’. If you hope to have stability, you will need an objective standard that does not change when social norms are altered as often as the fashions.
It could be that you and your spouse are world’s apart on what is ‘normal’. The two of you will need to get that settled before trying to resolve other matters. If you do not agree on what is and is not cheating, you will not likely agree on what is healthy intimacy and unhealthy intimacy.
For more information on coping with affairs, consider my e-book which takes you through surviving your partners affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
