When my wife and I went on our honeymoon to New Orleans back in 1985, I learned a valuable life lesson. While on our honeymoon, I found myself the victim of a huckster’s deception.
Anyone who’s been to the Big Easy is familiar with the many deceivers on the streets. In some ways, the victim’s own pride and greed make them easy targets for being deceived.
On realizing I’d been deceived I felt like a heel. Even more so since it was in front of my new bride. Here I am, taking on a new role as husband, and I was deceived by a street hustler. The embarrassment of being deceived carries with it beating yourself up with the mantra “I should’ve known better”.
When it comes to dealing with affairs, there’s a good likelihood that you’ll be dealing with some deception. When it comes to deception, have you ever considered what makes a deceiver so successful?
The thinker Nietzsche considered this question back in 1878. His conclusion was that deceivers believe in themselves. They believe their lies so much that they convince others their lie or trickery is real.
I believe Nietzsche was onto something with his answer (it’s one of the few things I agree with Nietzsche on). In my mind, I believe that cheaters who deceive believe in themselves MORE than they believe in their marriage.
For them, their own lies are more real than the promises they made on your wedding day. In cases where the cheater is a great deceiver, they’ve likely been at it for quite a while. It takes years of practice to come across that convincingly.
This means that when it comes to recovery from an affair, they’ll end the affair long before they end their deceitful habits. When deceit is habitual, it’s going to take the two of you longer in moving past the affair.
The affair was the tip of the iceberg with this problem. This is also why having a strong affair relapse plan in place. If you don’t have a good plan in place before their old deceitful ways are changed, it’ll only be a matter of time before they deceive themselves and you again.
In the video, Overcoming Affair Relapse, I deal with what you need in a good affair relapse prevention plan. The more you know what to look for, the less likely you are to be deceived again.
Learn from your mistakes rather than keep repeating them.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
