When news of an affair comes out, there are often strong reactions from the resolute spouse. At that time, it is common to hear “That is my wife! (or husband)”. “How could they do that with MY WIFE?” and other statements conveying a sense of shock, bewilderment or anger. The resolute spouse then makes frequent comments about their commitment to their spouse. In many ways, it has been uncanny how those spouses who proclaim that “That is MY WIFE” the loudest are often guilty of not taking care of that wife in the years or months leading up to the affair. Although they use the term ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ with special emphasis, when the proclamation is not supported by action, those proclamations ring hollow.
Most spouses are stunned when their partner has an affair which is expected. What is unexpected is that in many (but not all) situations, the resolute spouse, who is now loudly proclaiming that it is “their wife” had pushed away their partner. When their spouse wanted to be held, or talked to or spend time with them, they often rebuffed them with “why?” or some question concerning the reason for wanting a display of affection or support. After years of not sending them cards or letting them know that they are special, the resolute spouse then expresses a sense of disbelief when the affair happens. In such situations I often think to myself, “Well, what did you expect?”. These couples forget that there are laws of cause and effect. When the spouse is ignored or not appreciated, they will search for attention somewhere. If you are too busy for your spouse, they will find the attention somewhere.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
