After discovering an affair, it is tempting for each spouse to ‘speak their mind’ or ‘speak the plain truth’ about how they view things. The feelings are often raw and the comments made are rough at best. Although it may temporarily feel better to let it all hang out, this is a time restraint and caution are needed. An important question to ask oneself during this time is “Will it bring healing?” If your comments will not bring healing to the relationship or yourself, then they are best not said. Many things could be said, but if they do nothing but bring destruction and hurt, you may want to think twice. Yes, honesty is the best policy, yet it is important to temper that honesty with love. What is said needs to focus on what will help the relationship, not destroy it!
As you address the issues and focus on rebuilding, remember to temper your ‘plain truth’ with love. The attitude behind what is said often communicates more than the words themselves. It may be the plain truth, but when it is not presented in love, will not be listened to in a positive way. When people are vulnerable, you are in a position to either build them up or demolish them.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
