The temptations for an affair are all around you. Even though the temptations surround you on a daily basis, many people manage saying ‘no’ to those temptations. A frequent question asked by those who haven’t said ‘no’ is “How are they able to say ‘no’?”
Although it sounds strong saying ‘no’ out of sheer will power, I have not found that it is always the best method.
Many people are able to avoid affairs by ‘just saying no’ and that’s good. With all the self-centered orientation in today’s society, the use of sheer will power can backfire and work you.
In those cases, the tendency to look after ‘number 1’ and be ‘selfish’ suddenly turns that iron will against oneself. I have also seen cases where the tempter accuses the person saying no of being selfish as well.
As weird as it seems, a lover may accuse a potential cheater of being selfish for not indulging them. So the cheater is selfish if they indulge and selfish if they don’t. There is no way of avoiding accusations of selfishness in such situations.
I often advocate the use of reminding yourself that you gave yourself to your spouse. When you make decisions concerning something that don’t totally belong to themselves, they are often able to say no much easier.
In these cases, the spouse draws on the strength derived from pledging themselves and their loyalty to another. It is not something that they can now take back and give on a whim. By reminding themselves of that commitment and drawing on it, they often find the strength to say no.
Another strategy is to remind oneself that they made a promise to their spouse and in front of God concerning their vows. This strategy works when those involved have serious commitments to their beliefs.
When the person involved is not so committed, breaking a promise to God is not much more serious than breaking a promise to their spouse.
If you struggle with saying “No”, it may be a wake up call that you need to improve the connection you have with your spouse.
The “30 Days to a Better Marriage” gives you improved connection with your spouse. Your marriage can be better than it is, and you can start now.
Best Regards,
Jeff
