It always astounds me when I hear the question “What’s wrong with an affair?” Although some of those asking this question are being argumentative, the sad thing is that there are some of you who are sincere in looking for an answer.
You really do not know what is wrong with an affair.
Having an affair is wrong on many levels.
It’s stealing what does not rightfully belong to you. You may say that as an adult, it is your body and you can do with it as you please. Yes, it is your body, yet when you married, you promised it to someone else.
You gave them exclusivity to you and you to them.
An affair is a breach of that exclusivity arrangement. It is taking or allowing someone to take what does not belong to them. You can take it or allow someone else to do so, but that doesn’t mean that it belongs to you.
Possession does not mean it’s rightful ownership.
Besides stealing there is the lying to God, and the lying to your spouse. You likely not only lied, but also broke your marriage vows in the process.
If you are like most people, you don’t like being lied to, especially if the lie broke a promise or vow on top of it. Although you promised to love your spouse it is hard to prefer your spouse above all others when you are having an affair with someone else.
If stealing, breaking oaths and lying are not enough of an answer to you their is the putting your lusts and desires ahead of doing what is right.
Indulging in an affair amounts to making ‘your desires a god’ which are put ahead of all other gods in your life. You and your satisfaction become the most important thing in your life.
It’s at the same time sacrilegious and selfish. Instead of doing what’s right by any kind of objective God, you make yourself one and decide right and wrong on your own terms.
What is right and wrong becomes a measure of what is in it for you rather than what is the moral course of behavior. You make your lust and satisfaction the whole measure of what is right or wrong.
Then there’s the whole lusting dimension. Even before you laid hands on a lover outside of your marriage, you were likely fantasizing about it and building up lust for it to happen before it did.
In most cases, the affair was happening in your head and heart before it took place in real life. Although you may say, “it just happened”, the reality is that it was rehearsed in your head before it happened.
There is also a health ethics dimension. When you sleep with someone else, you are chemically bonding with them. When you return home to your spouse, you are bringing that chemical bonding with you along with any communicable diseases.
You expose your spouse to what you have been exposed to. Sleeping around exposes you and your spouse to whatever diseases you have been exposed to.
You may not have intended that to happen, but it does. Even with protection, some risks are reduced, but they are never 100% eliminated.
Then there is the ‘special’ relationship you have with your spouse. What makes it special is that it is something that the two of you share together.
When you share yourself with others, whatever you had that was special, looses its special qualities. An affair takes away any special element to your marriage. “Making love” soon becomes an automated, routine, mechanical task. It’s no longer special, your spouse is no longer special and you are no longer special.
If you have wondered what is so bad about an affair, now you have some things to think about. You will have to address concerns like this in your marriage and your own heart if you are considering an affair or recovering from one.
If you’ve cheated and aren’t sure what to do next, the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” guides you in how to get started with recovery from the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
