It was back in 2007 that I began my blog addressing issues related to affairs and recovering from them. In the past 17 years of keeping up, I’ve seen the topic of interest change like fashion. Seeing how the interests of readers change tells me that where your hurt and focus are change as well.
One topic that continues generating interest is that of dealing with what I call, ‘the Affair Fog.’ There are questions about how to get your spouse out of it and how long the affair fog lasts.
The focus is on getting the cheater out of it and shaking them back to reality. I understand how you expect some quick way of getting them out of it. Given that we live in an instant-oriented society, it seems natural that there is something that can be done to “Zap” them out of it. The fog does not instantaneously disappear.
I’ve addressed those aspects of the affair fog in some of my earlier posts on the subject. One aspect of the affair fog that I haven’t addressed is living with the affair fog until it ends.
It’s natural to be concerned about your spouse, yet my concern today is about you and how you are dealing with the fog. Since there’s no instant ‘zap’ for it, have you considered how you’re going to deal with it?
How you handle the affair fog is important as well. If you handle it like a drunken stupor and berate them for being in that state, you can end up prolonging it.
When you make their life a living hell, you’re pushing them deeper into it. Dealing with someone in the fog is frustrating. When those frustrations build up, where are you going to express yourself?
Do you plan on keeping those frustrations inside? If so, the longer you keep it in, the more damage it does to you.
Let me recommend downloading the Affair Recovery Workshop in helping you gain some firm footing in dealing with the situation.
Explaining things like the “Affair Fog”, D-Day, affair trauma, or an affair recovery timeline to those who aren’t part of the problem or solution only invites future problems. They may provide support, yet end up resenting the betrayer simply because you do. They literally ‘take up your offense’ as their own.
Take a step toward clarity and healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
