Readers periodically pose challenging questions. The other day, I received one of those questions. A young mother to be in the Detroit area asked “How, as the betrayed spouse, do I distinguish between this natural hormonal changes with the pregnancy and love toward my spouse and what could be considered “trauma-bonding?”
Her question had me sitting up in my chair. When readers use terms like trauma-bonding or co-regulation, it tells me that they’re familiar with trauma and its effects. For them, dealing with the affair isn’t their first rodeo where they’ve faced traumas.
Trauma bonding can have you feeling the pull of attraction or the push of being repelled based on earlier life experiences. They say or do something and you react with a special intensity.
The reactions happens without you consciously choosing to react that way. The reaction comes out before you realize it. When the trauma bonds are triggered, its as if someone or something else took momentary control of your reactions.
You may feel like someone else is in the driver’s seat.
Since the reactions related to hormonal changes that come with pregnancy are similar, it’s hard distinguishing between the two. In each case, something is amping up your reactions.
With trauma bonds, that reaction goes back to nerve connections created in your brain and the emotions triggered by it. With pregnancy, the reactions are driven by hormonal changes.
Since the hormonal changes activate the same areas as the emotions, they’re easily confused.
The additional piece of nerve connections with trauma bonds is the big difference. The problem is that not everyone with trauma bonds are fully aware of those early traumas. They just know something is causing them to over-react to situations.
Since affair a so life-changing, they have ways of triggering bad experiences from your past. It may be fears of abandonment, previous betrayals or neglect. All it takes is something that reminds your brain of what happened or was said in the past and the trigger kicks in.
If your emotions are ‘taking charge’ of your reactions, you’ll want to purchase the video on ‘Overcoming Affair Trauma’ where you’ll learn ways of calming down and regaining control over your reactions.
There are ways for you to start recovering your old self rather than going from one reaction to another.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
