It is hard to resolve the issues associated with affairs when you can not discuss them. When I was faced with such a situation, it felt like I was going crazy. On the outside, I was supposed to show acceptance and cordiality toward my parent’s lover. Appeals were made for me to “keep the peace” and be accepting. All the forgiveness aspects of Christianity were emphasized by my parents and their supporters. On the inside, there were feelings of betrayal and rage. All the talk about forgiveness and I was picturing the incidents where adulterers were rebuked, stoned or burned.
The ‘forced’ acceptance was tolerated. I could not tolerate the ongoing not being allowed to speak. It was as if I was a trophy doll on display. I had to look good, but heaven forbid if I dared to speak out concerning my hurts or my anger. I was supposed to be on display, not talk or show signs of aggression.
As I went on through life, I worked through many of those issues. Even in understanding them, my heart goes out to the children who are forced into those roles by their parents. The damage done to trust and intimacy in the relationship is devastating. People can talk about the potential threat of H1N1 flu. When you consider the impact of an affair on a family, it is lethal to intimacy in a majority of cases. If you survive it, scars are left that impact the relationship for the rest of its duration. The destruction of intimacy leaves scars into future generations as well. H1N1 has some potential lethality. Affairs have a guaranteed lethality to the emotional health of families that is generational, and many people choose to ignore dealing with it or working through the pain.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
