When the cheater is either preparing for an affair or caught up in the midst of an affair fog, they literally become another person. You may have wondered what happened to them and what can I do about that? What is happening is that they are in what I call ‘the affair build-up’. During this phase, they are fantasizing about the affair in their mind and building it up. They are essentially looking for an excuse to have the affair or act out on their urges. When they are in this state, they are running on their emotions in an act-react mode of functioning. They are not thinking or processing information. For that reason, trying to address the issue with logic or reason will not work. The part of their brain that uses reason and logic is being overridden by other parts.
When they are in this ‘build-up’ phase, you can see it in their behavior. They seem to be driven by something. It is as if they are being controlled by someone or something else. Even though there may not be temptations for an affair hitting them, when they are in build-up, they will be looking for triggers and temptations.
One of the few ways to disrupt this phase is with hymns. Hymns, unlike other forms of music interrupts the build-up. It is as if the ‘affair vibe’ is interrupted by the frequency of the hymns. The reason for this is that hymns resonate in a way that does not excite the senses involved in the affair build up. They have a way of waking up the rational thinking and reasoning portions of the brain. When the robotic-like affair build up is interrupted, then the rational part of the cheater can wake up, and you can deal with them using logic, reason, etc. There is a reason why cheaters often avoid hymns in preference for more sensual music. They want to keep the ‘buzz’ of the affair build up going. Hymns kill that buzz. This is one reason why there is resistance to them when they are in affair build up mode.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
