There are times when the catch phrases from the counseling world catch on and become part of your everyday dialogue. One phrase that caught on is ‘fight or flight‘.
The term has the right words to communicate the idea. Just on hearing the phrase, most of you know what is being talked about.
The misleading part is that it creates a false sense of your options. It leaves you thinking you either face the situation with it’s fears or run away.
Typically, the terms are associated with stress and fear. This is due to them being two popular reactions to stress and fear.
Stress is powerful. The hormones released during stressful times has been found to destroy brain cells. (The fancy name for this killing off of cells is ‘catabolic‘)
The added strain on other body systems such as blood pressure and digestion put you at risk for health issues.
After finding out about the affair and starting your recovery through it, you’ve likely experienced it as well. There were times you used your adrenaline in making a stand with a fight.
Fight or flight functioning gives you a fast response. Although both options suck in different ways, when you need a fast response, they are there.
At other times during affair recovery, you found yourself avoiding any conflict. Whether through isolation or flight, you looked for a way out. Heck, denial even works at times you are in ‘flight’.
The downside of the phrase being so popular is how it creates a false dilemma. It leaves you thinking you only have two choices. You can either choose to fight or run away. Somewhere along the way, the other options were left out.
Experience has shown you what the two options of fighting and flighting have created. When it comes to serious healing you need more options than just those two. You may have even told yourself “There must be another choice.”
There are other choices which have been kept from your awareness. Today I am sharing those other choices with you.
The other choices are “tend and befriend“. These are the choices that lead to healing.
These other options let you know that you can instead take care of yourself rather than freak out with fear or panic.
It’s only logical that fight or flight leads to dis-union, while tend and befriend point you toward reconciliation within yourself and with others. Each of these options take you and your marriage in different directions.
At the Restored Lifestyle membership site, I shared ways of implementing the ‘tend and befriend’ into your life and recovery. If you want more out of recovery, consider joining today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
