When the cheater is either building up to the affair or in the middle of it, their memory is vulnerable to changes. During these times, they begin redefining their relationship with you and the one with the lover.
In ‘redefining’ they change the narrative (how they tell the story) about you, about your marriage and about the affair. During these times, their memory becomes fluid.
In stretching their mind to make room for the affair, they reprogram their brains. It’s the only way they can accommodate the affair.
The problem is that when they reprogram, they always leave a few things out. Their narrative is always incomplete.
It amounts to a backdoor into their mind that leaves them vulnerable to emotional hackers. In many cases, the lover influences the new programming.
They change the significance of many things. They change which emotions were attached to which events along with the meanings attached to each event.
There are some lovers who intentionally play with the cheaters memory, while others make those changes accidentally. In creating new fantasies, they begin the reprogramming.
Another problem with all this reprogramming is that the cheater ‘trusts’ what their memory is telling them. This is one reason why their lies are often so convincing.
They trust what their brain is telling them. They don’t realize that their brains have been reprogrammed or hacked. They believe what their brain is telling them.
They assume that their brain is recalling events and the meaning of those events accurately.
This will help you understand how they can lie with sincerity. They have conviction that the information they are recalling is factual.
They believe the ‘new’ version of the story of your marriage. They believe the new spin on retelling their story.
They don’t consider that their brains and emotions have been reprogrammed. I’ll talk about ways of undoing the reprogramming in a future post.
In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop”, you’ll learn more about how their brain works along with ways of using that to your advantage. You can use ‘back doors’ in moving past their defensiveness.
Best Regards,
Jeff
