It’s difficult going through affair recovery. The stress and trauma in dealing with an affair can be life-changing and may introduce profound changes in your perceptions and life.
Before moving on with the path of healing and wholeness, it’s necessary to differentiate forgiveness from reconciliation.Confusing them leads to more heartache, which you don’t need.
Reconciliation means that both you and your spouse are willing to work in rebuilding a relationship that has recently undergone an affair.
With reconciliation, you look for common grounds and ties so that you can smooth out differences and repair your relationship.
Reconciliation is built upon the notion of forgiveness, which is a conscious decision of the victim to lay down his or her claims on the matter. It is a decision involving the grant of amnesty to the other person.
Rebuilding marriage, however, shouldn’t stop at forgiveness only. Why?
Because it is possible for you to forgive someone without working towards reconciliation. You may let go of your hurts, and issues related to the affair, but choose not to rebuild your marriage.
Trust rests on the possibility of reconciliation. When both parties reconcile, they are exerting efforts and are working towards the resolution of conflict and affirm their marriage vows. The process of rebuilding trust therefore should be built on forgiveness and on a firm commitment to the marriage.
The two of you can’t go back to your marriage like it was before the affair. That relationship with all it’s patterns is gone.
You can make changes in your marriage. The affair changed each of you and how you look at each other.
Your marriage can be rebuilt, although some things will be different. New patterns and ways of dealing with each other will evolve.
Reconciliation is the two of you coming together once again. It amount to the two of you giving it another try.
If you are unsure what to change or how to bring up the needed changes, there’s help. In the video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls, and Remove the Roadblocks“, you can start the transformation your marriage needs.
Best Regards,
Jeff
