In reading a work by a 18th century thinker, I was struck by his observation that there were two kinds of divorce. There is a divorce from bed and table, and there is a second kind where you are divorced from the chains. The second divorce is the equivalent of today’s legal divorce settlement. The first is the one that is of concern today, the divorce from bed and table. This refers to an emotional divorce. In such a divorce situation, the affections are withdrawn from the spouse. In these situations, they are denied fellowship at the table and affection in the bedroom.
In the aftermath of an affair, it is common to want to withdraw or even hurt your spouse. Hurting them does not make them want to be with you. Withdrawing your affections does not make them want to be with you either. Some couple, including Christians, operate under this kind of divorce. The resolute spouse pulls back and emotionally cuts themself off. It is rationalized since they have not legally divorced. This way they have no fellowship, but they do not feel the guilt associated with a divorce. To me, it is playing headgames with yourself. I share this with you to help you avoid the heartache of an emotional divorce. One may think they will not feel guilt since there is not a legal divorce. The heart and soul are not fooled here. When you hold back emotionally and physically, you will experience the guilt and loneliness associated with your actions.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
