A few moments ago I finished reading a rant from a betrayed wife about the audacity of pathological liars. Her rant started me thinking about dealing with pathological liars. Lying, like many habits, expands each day it remains unquestioned. They tell more lies and bigger lies.
They start with ‘little white lies’ which remain lies, but in telling themselves that either no one was hurt or that they had good intentions, they excused it. Although they excused the lie, those little white lies opened the door to more lies. With practice, they can do it without any major tells.
One of the problems is that some liars believe what they are telling you. They view the world in terms of what you’ve been told versus what you weren’t told. This is very different than looking at the world in terms of what happened or didn’t happen. Their words are intended to program what you believe.
You could talk to a therapist about it, yet in many cases, they consider whether the liar is consistent in their story or not. Being consistent is viewed as being ‘truthful’, even if they are telling you a bald-faced lie.
On top of that, liars don’t like when you tell them the truth. It’s as if they would prefer that you lie to them the way they lie to you. The truth triggers reactions in them. The best way to deal with a pathological liar is to avoid them altogether. When married to them, you cannot avoid them. Then it is important to keep yourself guarded and protect your emotions from their manipulation.
Years ago, I wrote a paper on “Is it lying or denial?” where I pointed out how to tell which you’re dealing with. In the case of pathological lying, the habit has become dysfunctional for them.
They are continuing persisting in lying, even when there is no benefit or payoff for their doing so. At that point, the lying has grown so large, that it’s taken over their lives. What I can tell you is that being open and honest in your marriage is preferred to believing lies. The lies can get so strong it engulfs both of you. It can destroy your relationship and trust.
One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a pathological liar is that they often don’t see anything wrong with their behavior. They may believe that their lies are necessary for their own survival or to protect themselves from perceived threats. This can make it difficult to address the issue and establish open communication in a relationship.
There’s also a lack of role models in the media who don’t lie. They may be believable, but that doesn’t make them honest. When the media is consistent in promoting their message, they start believing it themselves.
In recovering from the affair, the two of you must be honest with each other. Honesty is one of the building blocks of trust. Without honesty, there is little to no trust. You can choose to trust them, but that kind of trust lacks a solid foundation. When there’s honesty, you have a key part of a healthy foundation for your marriage.
In my video “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I share with you ways of rebuilding trust in your marriage. You can move past the hiding and lying. When you have honesty, you may not like what is said, but you can certainly believe it.
Order your copy of the video today and you can be working on improving your marriage relationship rather than believing a lie.
Just click and download.,
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
