Last night, one of my sons and I discussed ways of diagramming out ideas of interest to us. When I diagram out ideas, it gives me better insights into the subject. I also realize there are times when a good illustration communicates an idea clearer than words do. Two of the ideas I’ve been exploring concern the relationship of limerence to numbness. Both of these experiences are involved with affair recovery.
I’ve seen limerence addressed and numbness discussed, yet the relationship between them hasn’t been touched on much. At this point, I view numbness a precursor to limerence with the cheater. In some ways, they’re emotionally dead. In our discussion, my son suggested that perhaps limerence could be seen as a reaction to the numbness. When one partner is emotionally unavailable, the other may seek out someone else who can give them that emotional connection they crave. This often leads to an affair and intense feelings of limerence.
They feel numb inside and start looking for some experience, such as an affair to spark the sensation of being alive. Since they’ve been numb for so long, the spark that comes with an affair is viewed by them ‘being in love’.
The person may even say that they’re in love. In previous generations, this was talked about in terms of being in lust. The term for this being ‘in lust’ is now called limerence. Limerence sounds more scientific than ‘puppy love’ or ‘lust’.
In my writings, I’ve talked about this phenomenon in terms of the start of the ‘Affair Fog’. Numbness is also a factor during recovery from the affair. There are times you want to avoid feeling anything. You’ve been so overwhelmed for so long, that you can’t take any more feeling.
It’s your brain and body’s way of letting you know it’s been overloaded. The overload numbness is very different from the lack of feeling numbness experienced before the affair. Numbness becomes problematic when it’s used as your main way of dealing with any issue. Being numb also means you’re unavailable. When you’re not available, you can’t be connected with whether you want that connection or not.
At those times, you’re there in body, but any sense of connection is missing. At those moments, you’re going through the motions while avoiding the e-motions. When the connection is gone, you’re likely going through Affair Trauma. Even though you may not think of it in terms of a ‘trauma’, the fact that you’re numb and not available to connect with others says otherwise.
When discussing the relationship between limerence and numbness, it’s important to also consider the role of emotional availability. In many cases, a person who is experiencing limerence may become emotionally unavailable because they are seeking out that intense emotional connection with someone else.
Eventually, you’ll have to rejoin life and all that comes with it. You’ll need to deal with life on life’s terms. To help you get there, download the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. It gives you instructions in the steps needed to move past the trauma and numbness.
The longer the trauma paralyzes you, the more you grow accustomed to it. That numbness isn’t your friend. You need interaction with people. You need a connection.
Find out ways of reconnecting and gaining some self-soothing with the material in the video. Numbness doesn’t have to become a part of your daily life. Click and download your copy today. Inside you’ll find ways of moving past the numbness and that whole experience of being stuck.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
