Money is often a touchy issue, especially when it comes to affairs. Money is often used to buy people off and balance out the guilt from earlier bad choices made by the cheater. Money may pay for lawyers and pay debts, but it does not remove guilt. The cheater may feel better after paying their money to the lover, yet nothing has been done to remove the guilt. Many high profile persons are involved in paying off their lovers or supporting them. The guilt and stain keeps them from reaching the potential heights they could have attained. Many of those cheaters had grand visions, yet their adultery comes back like an albatross around their neck identifying the guilty party.
If you are a cheater, you may think that spending enough money will make things all right. The money only silences others for a limited amount of time. The money does not wash away what you have done, it does not clean your conscience, it does not make things right. You may feel obligated to pay, or even be blackmailed into paying. Either way, you become another victim in the lovers world. When you were younger, the sign “kick me” may have been attached to your back without your awareness. At this point in your life, your actions have gained you a giant “Kick me” permanently tattooed on yourself proclaiming that you have been played and continue being played.
Money can’t buy you love, or respect. It can not remove the guilt either. The sooner you recognize this the better off you will be.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
4 Responses
I wanted to thank you for all of your insightful post.s They have been very helpful to me during this difficult time in my life. I look forward to reading them everyday! Regarding this post, what positive steps can the cheater take to deal with their ‘guilt’ properly?
Thanks again for sharing your wealth of knowledge!
Maureen,
Thank you for your kind words. Forgiveness can be challenging at times. I am currently working on a book dealing with forgiveness, but it will not be out for a while. I did a webinar on the topic with Doug and Linda of EmotionalAffair.org, although I did not see it on their page when I last checked. I will put something up on the topic in the near future.
What I can tell you is to start with this progression:
1. Accept God’s forgiveness.
2. Forgive Yourself.
3. Forgive others.
In going through forgiveness, you will need to be honest with yourself. Honest about your motivations, your feelings, and your actions. Since forgiveness is a process, you will need to start with the big items first. Many of the little items will take care of themselves after you start with the big items. I realize that these items are overly simplistic, yet they will get you started. People get messed up when they take them out of order or they are dishonest with themselves about what happened.
Maureen,
I just wanted you to know that my article on forgiving yourself is now up at ezinearticles. You may want to check it out, since it goes into more detail.
Forgiveness is a topic often studied, preached and accepted by the Christian community .
I had one person bring up a good point …he said
‘ Would GOD ask us to forgive without condition what He Himself does not ?’
Note this exhortation and conditional statement …”IF he repent” as a response to having had an offense being made known to him …aka “rebuke’ .
Luk 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
1Ti 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Without repentance there can be no receiving of forgiveness….God has provided His forgiveness but it is not received without the person repenting
What is required to receive repentance?
Mat 3:8 Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:
“Fruits meet ”
What is that?
Act 26:20 But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and [then] to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.
“Works meet for repentance”
TWO kinds of ‘repentance”
2Cr 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
Godly sorrow …WORKETH ….repentance….a change of attitude …moving one toward seeking the Way GOD tells us to live …a change of LORD …from self to following Jesus Christ in TRUTH …from HIS WORDS
Worldly sorrow seems to be just sorrow that is only sorry for not being able to have one’s behavior approved of by GOD …it still rejects a change of ‘lord’ from self to follow the LORD by way of hearing and then doing what He tells us
2Ti 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
Because GOD desires us to obey Him
For our souls sake….
2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Here is the only sacrifice that GOD is looking for
Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God [are] a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
It has been said that Matt chapter five is a good outline of the ‘way’ of one who is become humble in order to seek and receive the truth …poor IN SPIRIT …recognition of ones need for a Savior ….hungry and thirsty for truth …thus seeking as He told us to do and that in seeking and continuing to seek He would be found in the record of his WORDS.
Thus …for anyone to be forgiven is an ongoing repentance…daily turning from this world ..our carnal perception and turning TO Him in obedient seeking and doing what He has said
Forgiveness seventy times seven ..is implying an ongoing repentance which is the ongoing of a life being lived in the changes that HIS word which are HIS thoughts which are higher than our thoughts provide for us .
To receive with meekness the engrafted word that is able to save our souls…we seek Him who IS and HAS provide our salvation in all that He instructs us to receive and do .
Without repentance there is no receiving …of forgiveness
That is one of the things you pointed out here …WE must recognize our need…not only for the application of the forgiveness from the Lord which we do not earn but DO need to receive and we receive it by way of REPENTANCE which is turning from our own way…to learning and then living in HIS way.
Does this make sense to you?
Those who sin against us but try to manipulate …MAY get a forgiveness but to those who are carnal and insist upon keeping themselves as their own ‘lord’ they will fail to receive true forgiveness…and in many cases it is simply a way to continue to do whatever they want
As one couple who counsel marriages commented ‘ a carnal man will not appreciate the godly wife but simply see her as one he can use and deceive while getting to do what he wants.’ ….A godly man who fears God will not want to deceive ..nor be deceived by his own flesh …but seek to be accountable for his own souls sake ..and also for the sake of others his life touches.’