One aspect of affairs which presents challenges is that of stalking. Stalking is not limited to the lover as portrayed in “Fatal Attraction”. Stalking can occur with the infidel, the lover or the resolute spouse. For the victims of the stalking, the experience often carries with it many mixed emotions. They may find themselves attracted to portions of the stalker, yet be repulsed by other aspects. The stalker may be charming at times and at other times a terror. The victim may actually love an earlier version of the stalker, yet find themselves ‘vicitmized’ by the person the stalker has become.
The first two hurdles necessary to face when dealing with stalking are:
1. Realize that any party in the affair or associated with it may become a stalker. It is not limited to the infidel-lover-resolute spouse. It may the the spouse of the lover, a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend, a child of one of the parties involved with the affair or a parent of one of the parties involved. In modern culture, there are times that siblings stalk and hunt down the lover of their family member or the family member themselves. In some communities there may be religiously driven persons who stalk down those associated with the affair. Since they are driven by religion, they are often zealous in their efforts and justify them by thinking that they are doing it for their deity. Such behavior was common in America in the 20’s and 30’s when groups like the Ku Klux Klan hunted down adulterers with fervor. Whether the Klan or honor killers, the same self-righteous justification of their stalking (more like hunting and killing) is present.
2. It is important to call stalking what it is. Although the stalker may justify their actions by saying they are ‘obsessive’ or that they are just passionate about what they are doing or the person they claim to be concerned with. When you see frequent drive-bys, frequent phone calls on a daily basis (10 or more), following the person, using phones or the internet to track their movements, or hiring third parties to ‘hunt’ down the person for you, these are all forms of stalking (hunting). It is important to call stalking what it is, whatever the motivation and reason for doing it.
I will address more on stalking and ways of dealing with it in future posts.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
