One of the truths about affairs and their aftermath is that they are not fair. About the only thing fair about them is the misery they spread across all parties.
Trying to mix being ‘fair’ with an affair situation never turns out well for you or the cheater. The whole affair wasn’t fair. For the cheater to talk to you about doing what’s ‘fair’ is a misuse of the term.
Cheaters only talk about being fair when they are wanting something from you. When the topic of being fair or being more understanding is presented you, rest assured that what is taking place is neither fair or understanding.
Cheaters thrive in a setting where they can be irresponsible, while you are expected to be responsible. If you have the upper hand, they want you to ‘be reasonable’ or ‘be fair’ or you don’t understand what they are going through. It is true that you may not understand what they are going through, yet you did not make the choices that they have made.
They want to make bad choices and have you pick up the tab for their bad choices. The tab may be financial, emotional or relational. I have seen families that have enabled cheaters to be totally irresponsible and expect the members of the family who did not make poor choices to make up for their irresponsibility. That is not fair, but then again, NOTHING about affairs is fair.
I mention that so that you do not fall for the ‘fair fallacy’. If you want to be seen as reasonable, mature, understanding, then you are an easy mark for a cheater.
Don’t take the desire to play fair to an affair situation, if you do, you’ll lose. The cheater will see to it that you will be viewed as immature and selfish, based on your unwillingness to allow them to have their irresponsibility and avoid consequences.
Best Regards,
Jeff
