While working on one of my videos, I came across an intriguing quote. What made it intriguing is that there is power in good quotes that put into words simple truths and ideas. The quote was “Everyday life involves a succession of misunderstandings and apologies” by a French therapist named Jacques Lacan. Although many Americans never heard of him, Lacan ran around with James Joyce, Salvador Dali, and many other creative thinkers who are still misunderstood.
As a therapist, he studied everyday interactions and how they’re expressed, down to the words you use. Those words you use every day with your spouse are important. Those everyday interactions are what either encourages you or discourage you in your marriage. They build you up or tear you down. I suppose that those of you who take the ‘life sucks’ attitude have been discouraged in some of those everyday interactions. If your spouse constantly tells you that you’re a screw-up, over time you’ll start to believe it.
But if you have a spouse who encourages you and helps build you up, then your attitude will be much more positive.
Lacan’s quote reminded me that you will be misunderstood today, even by those close to you. There is no promise that everyone will understand you or get you. If anything, it’s just the opposite. They’re not going to get you, and someone’s going to have to end up apologizing. There are days when those misunderstandings and apologies are more than you can handle. So, on those days, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again.
It may seem like a little thing, yet those little things add up. Those are often the ‘little things’ that build-up to the point when people view affairs as an answer to their problem. When the problem is that you’re discouraged from being misunderstood, you’re vulnerable to someone who acts like they ‘get you’, understands what you’re going through, and what you’re trying to say.
A better solution lies in taking steps that increase how well you and your spouse understand each other. With what the two of you have been through, there are many shared experiences, both good and bad. It’s not the ratio of good to bad experiences that makes for a good marriage, it’s whether or not you feel understood by your spouse, and whether they feel understood by you.
Improving communication in your marriage always pays dividends. In everyday life, you likely take communication and being understood for granted.
This is where my “30 Days to a Better Marriage” comes in. This program provides you with simple daily tasks that start turning your marriage around. When you feel understood, it makes everyday life an encouraging experience, rather than one that sucks another 24 hours from your existence.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
