In coming to grips with an affair you also have to consider the costs along with the gains. It is often easy to see what you have lost with an affair, especially when you loose your marriage. Part of getting honest with yourself means that you have to look at what you gain as well. You may loose some material objects which you assumed provided security. The loses mean you will have to take a hard look at what your true source of security is. You will have to also asses what your true source of identity is. Yes, you lost the love of your spouse, that does not mean that you lost who you are or your purpose in life. You may have gained strength, new friends who are truly interested in what is best for you and a new sense of spirituality that you did not have before. You will also realize the importance of honesty and loyalty rather than falling for people who look good or have a good sense of humor yet are not trustworthy. You will also have a new regard for what your gut feelings tell you rather than fall for the lies smooth words that the cheater feed you.
With every loss, we also have gained something. You may have to change your thinking to discover what those gains are. It often takes work to find them, yet they are worth the effort.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
