What happens to you when you give into animal-like lusts? Giving into your passions, as happens in affairs begins the process of changing the cheater.
Affairs change how people treat each other, talk to each other and how they view each other. Those changes will happen. It’s not a matter of ‘if’, but rather ‘when’.
The more animal-like the cheater becomes, the less caring and affection will be displayed. In their place, you will find self-gratification, hardness to the feelings of others, using people, and increased self-focus.
The affair changes the cheater’s goals, how they treat people and how they view marriage. It changes from “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you” to “What can you do to fulfill me and help me reach my goals”.
The shift from ‘you-orientation’ to ‘me-orientation’ is a sure sign that their thinking has shifted. As they give into the animal-like lusts, sex will become THE most important part of marriage.
Their happiness and mood begins hinging more on sex rather than commitment, caring or sharing. As they give into the animal-like lusts, priorities shift. They begin pulling away from your marriage and pouring more of themselves into unbridled lusts.
You can not live in a world where marriage is an institution of committed fidelity and the world of unbridled passionate lusts at the same time. The cheater will have to choose one or the other.
Trying to live in both worlds at the same time is only temporary at best. They take you two different directions, have totally different realities and different value systems.
Living with a foot in each world creates a literal double-mindedness. Those trying to do so will have to alternate between two different types of thinking and behaving. Each world is all-consuming. The different worlds do not share.
In the world of unbridled passions, what matters is self-gratification. Other people exist for the cheater to use. People are viewed as tools used in achieving their goals.
Since many in today’s business culture often focus on achieving the goal rather principled approaches, cheaters function well within such environments. The goal driven world and the self-seeking world fit together like a hand in a glove.
Since they fit together so well, the cheater can mask the changes that have happened behind ‘business’. The unbridled animal passion with all its ‘going in for the kill’, ‘hunt mentality’, etc. fit in well with the ‘law of the jungle’.
If you’ve seen these changes in your spouse, you’ll want the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” which guides them in starting their recovery. The video will also help you understand their way of looking at the world and your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
