How’s your house? Although that seems like an odd question related to affairs, it is very relevant. On receiving the shocking news of an affair, or that moment that your suspicions were confirmed, your life suddenly comes to a screeching halt. Your emotions, mind, life and even your house are all impacted by that sudden lurch in your life.
One of the many things that stops, is your home activities. The stop may be a complete jolting work stoppage or a massive slow down. Either way, things around your house are less than they used to be.
In some cases, you may find yourself avoiding parts of your home, like the bedroom or the cheater’s closet. The memories associated with those areas are more than you can deal with at that moment. You may even feel like a stranger in your own home. Those places which were familiar are now ‘alien’.
In most cases, the avoidance gradually fades. Over time you may be able to go through those parts of your house with manageable reactions. There may still be reactions, yet on most days you can handle them. Along with the avoidance of parts of the house, you may even let the house keeping go. You no longer care or have the energy to care about those ‘little things’ .
The affair took your motivation away from you. There’s not much that makes you want to keep the house beyond a sense of duty. You may go through the motions, yet there is little to no enthusiasm in what you do.
The home is a reflection of your own inner life. As you move through recovery, it improves, yet for many of you, it’s a struggle. It takes herculean effort. You may even find yourself still stuck and lacking all motivation. You make it through each day, but its’ a struggle.
So, “How’s your house?”
Your answer reveals many things about you and how you’re really handling things. You may be telling those around you that “I’m doing “okay”. They may even believe you. They don’t see what’s going on inside of you. They don’t see how you force yourself in many ways. From the forced smiles to the feigned laughter. They don’t see the dark corners of your life where you have let things fall apart.
You try ‘pushing’ yourself into a good mood. You put on your big girl pants, make it through your day, yet collapse at the end of it. Rather than being a ‘worn out from a productive day’, its actually more of a crumpling after running full blast with an empty marriage.
If you’re still wrestling with being stuck and having little to no motivation, you’ll want the video on Affair Trauma. There are reasons you are not ‘bouncing back’ like you used to. You don’t have to spend another day pushing yourself through the day or putting on a fake front.
Best Regards,
Jeff
