On mentioning the word ‘parrot head’, what comes to mind? The name is synonymous with the musician Jimmy Buffett and his loyal fans.
Have you ever considered what kind of footwear Jimmy Buffett uses? Most of you haven’t. If you have, it’s likely that you assumed he wears flip-flops. The island lifestyle promoted by Buffett is typically associated with wearing flip-flops.
Those assumptions lead to erroneous conclusions. In the case of Jimmy Buffett some of his band made also assumed he wears flip-flops. Can you imagine their surprise when they discovered they were wrong about their fearless leader?
When Jimmy Buffett met ‘the Boot Whisperer’, whose shop is near where I live, he made some surprising choices. The Boot Whisperer looked at him standing in stocking feet and made her assessment. In a few moments, she was walking through walls of boots and pulled down some that fit him perfectly.
She sold him not one, but two pairs of cowboy boots. At this moment all the assumptions about Jimmy being a flip-flop-only guy went away.
Who’d of guessed that Jimmy Buffett would wear cowboy boots?
In a similar way, you may be making assumptions about your spouse and their motives. You may be assuming you know what they think or what their motives are. Until you talk with them about those matters, you’re assuming.
You may think you know them, just like Jimmy Buffett’s band thought they knew him and his choice in footwear. Those assumptions will take you and them in directions you hadn’t planned.
During affair recovery, you need clear communication more than other times. Communication is especially critical during a crisis. Although that’s what’s needed, that’s not what typically happens.
Rather than taking your marriage in a direction dictated by assumptions, your best move will be in improving communication. Ask questions and listen to the answers. If you’re unsure of something, talk it through.
Your marriage is too important for assumptions or guesses about what your spouse is thinking or feeling. Have those conversations now, don’t wait until later when it’s even more difficult to have a conversation. Remember the surprise of Jimmy Buffett’s band when they saw him arrive in cowboy boots.
In the video series “Affair Recovery Workshop”, you’ll discover a unique sequence of what to bring up, when to bring it up and how to bring it up. You’ll find ways of improving communication between the two of you that enhances intimacy and opens the door to recovering from the affair.
You no longer have to rely on assumptions, you can instead make your decisions based on facts. Find out what they say their motives are rather than you making the misplaced assumptions.
When you and your spouse start opening things up, you’ll discover that there’s been some changes over the years. The assumptions you have no longer apply. When you tune into them, it’ll surprise you what you find out.
Imagine discovering new joys and adventures in a relationship you thought was getting stale and loveless.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
