Can Emotional Affairs Hijack Your Heart and Mind?

Most of the questions I receive revolve around physical affairs, so it was refreshing when someone asked me about emotional affairs for a change. Specifically, the question was: “Can an emotional affair become an addiction?”

It’s a great question, and the answer depends on who you ask.

Some mental health professionals will tell you something only qualifies as an addiction if it’s on an official list of diagnoses. These are the same folks who deny the existence of sex addiction and other relationship dysfunctions simply because they don’t have an official diagnosis code.

In other words, according to them, if there’s no code, the problem doesn’t exist.

But as both a counselor and substance abuse specialist, let me assure you: Emotional affairs can absolutely become an addiction. Just because something isn’t “official” doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

The Truth About Relationship-Based Addictions

There’s a whole spectrum of relationship-based addictions, including co-dependency, love addiction, and sex addiction. Many of these don’t have official diagnostic status, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real or that they don’t wreak havoc on people’s lives.

These addictions share the same tell-tale patterns as substance-based addictions: cravings, emotional highs, obsessive thinking, and dysfunctional behavior. They stimulate the same parts of the brain as drugs or alcohol do. That’s why they can feel just as powerful and why people struggle to break free from them.

If you’ve ever been in the throes of an emotional affair, you’re probably familiar with the symptoms: the cravings for contact, the emotional highs you get from their attention, the obsessive thinking about them, and the fear of losing them.

When an emotional affair turns into an addiction, the other person becomes less of a partner and more of an object. You’re no longer seeing them as a whole person, but rather as the source of your emotional fix.

How Addiction Changes Relationships

When addiction hijacks a relationship, it turns dysfunctional. You’re no longer seeking a connection built on mutual respect or shared values. Instead, you’re chasing the emotional highs you get from the affair, while avoiding the harsh realities of what it’s doing to your life.

In a sense, emotional affairs are perfect breeding grounds for addiction. There’s an intoxicating mix of secrecy, forbidden excitement, and the thrill of something new. It’s easy to get hooked, and once you’re in it, the emotional highs feel irresistible.

But, like all addictions, the highs don’t last. And the deeper you go, the more your real-life relationships suffer.

Breaking Free from an Emotional Affair Addiction

So, in answer to the question: Yes, emotional affairs can absolutely become addictions. And like any addiction, they can take over your life, cloud your judgment, and cause chaos in your relationships.

But if you’re caught in an emotional affair and want out, there’s hope. The first step is recognizing the problem. Once you see it for what it is — an addiction — you can start taking steps to regain control over your heart and mind.

In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery,” I walk you through the challenges of breaking free from a dysfunctional relationship, whether it’s an emotional affair or something else. You can start making the critical changes needed to get your life back.

Order your copy today and take that first step toward recovery. It’s time to break the cycle and reclaim your life.