Why Ghosting Might Be the Best Way to End an Affair

Although ‘ghosting’ is typically viewed as a negative experience, there are times when it’s a blessing in disguise. Ending a relationship by ghosting is abrupt and harsh, but it’s also effective. One of the places where ghosting is a good thing is when you’re ending an affair. Not because it leaves the person you’re with shocked and wounded, but because if they don’t know much about your life in the first place, they won’t be able to track you down easily. This is a blessing when you happen to live in separate locations and want a clean break that doesn’t end up leaving one or both of you hurt. This reduces the likelihood of ‘Fatal Attraction’ type episodes from happening. In many ways, it’s one of the preferred ways of ending the affair.

Another benefit is the clean break it provides. The affair needed to end. Dragging it out only prolongs the pain and drama for all involved. Paul Simon sang 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Although he didn’t mention ghosting, it should be added to the list. There’s no easy way of ending an affair and leaving your lover. When you let them down easy, it only prolongs the pain and suffering for everyone. It’s better to end it quickly, cleanly, and definitively. It may be a last-minute decision, but you'll never look back once you’ve made it.

Even if the person is crying at your feet, telling you how much they love you and what a mistake this is, there are no do-overs here. There may be threats of hurting themselves over you. Those are ploys designed to keep you hooked into the relationship. If that happens, call 9-1-1 rather than attempt to console them. There is no painless way of ending what shouldn’t have started. Finding the easy way out typically only prolongs the pain. Although abrupt endings that come with ghosting are jarring, they’re effective. It severs the relationship and all the emotional entanglement it brings.

So when a reader wrote about ‘ending a long-term affair with her ghosting him’ looking for answers, my response was one of relief. He’s got a lot to be thankful for. He should be giving thanks that his affair is over and that she chose one of the least painful ways of ending it. Although his focus is on his pain, with questions about why it happened to him and why she did this, he’d do better to stop assuming that it’s all about him.

Instead of leading him on and dragging things out, she ended it abruptly. Keeping it going would only take both of them down a deep, dark relationship hole. Ending the affair gives him new options. No one enjoys abrupt endings of relationships, even when it’s in their best interest to end it. At those times, looking at the longer-term benefits rather than the short-term hurts is important. In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery,” I share how to start turning your life around. Rather than running back to the lover when the affair ends, you can turn your life around. You no longer have to be defined by your relationships. You can move past them.

Ghosting is a controversial method of ending a relationship, but it has unique advantages in the context of an affair. Affairs are typically fraught with secrecy, guilt, and a complex web of emotions. The abrupt nature of ghosting can sever these ties quickly and decisively, preventing prolonged emotional entanglement and potential drama. This method, while harsh, eliminates the drawn-out process of explaining, negotiating, or dealing with the fallout that often accompanies traditional breakups.

Affairs are inherently risky and emotionally taxing. The longer they continue, the deeper the emotional wounds for all involved. Ghosting, though seemingly cold, can act as a necessary shock to end the relationship abruptly. This sudden end can be less painful in the long run compared to a prolonged, agonizing breakup where emotions are continually stirred and reopened. The clean break provided by ghosting minimizes the chances of back-and-forth communication, which often leads to confusion, false hope, and further hurt.

Understanding the emotional toll it takes is crucial for those involved in an affair. The affair's illicit nature means that the relationship exists in a bubble, detached from reality. Ghosting bursts this bubble swiftly, forcing both parties to confront reality. It compels the person who is being ghosted to move on and focus on their own life, rather than being stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment.

Furthermore, the person who initiates the ghosting can benefit from the immediate cessation of the affair's emotional strain. Ending the affair abruptly allows them to refocus on their primary relationship and begin the healing process. It provides a clear, unambiguous end, which is often what is needed to prevent any lingering attachment or temptation to return to the affair.

However, it's important to acknowledge the ethical considerations of ghosting. While it may be effective, it can also be seen as a cowardly way to avoid confrontation. It's essential to weigh the potential benefits and harms. In some cases, providing a brief explanation before cutting off contact might be a more humane approach, balancing the need for a clean break with respect for the other person's feelings.

Ghosting, despite its negative connotations, can be a pragmatic solution for ending an affair. Its abruptness can serve as a necessary jolt to end a toxic and unsustainable relationship, allowing both parties to begin their healing journeys. While not without its ethical dilemmas, it offers a clear, decisive end, minimizing prolonged emotional turmoil and paving the way for recovery and personal growth.

Reflection Questions:

1. How does the abrupt nature of ghosting compare to other methods of ending an affair in terms of emotional impact?
2. What are the potential long-term benefits of ending an affair quickly and decisively, despite the immediate pain it might cause?
3. How can one balance the need for a clean break with the ethical considerations of ghosting?
4. In what ways can understanding the motivations and dynamics of ghosting help in moving forward after an affair?

Keeping it real,

Jeff