How to Rebuild Trust and Strengthen Your Marriage After an Affair

A few years ago, when massive flooding hit the Texas Hill Country, many bridges were damaged. Once the floodwaters receded, construction crews faced the challenge of repairing those bridges, figuring out ways to reach across the rivers and creeks. Rebuilding those bridges took effort, vision, and a plan. They didn’t rebuild themselves with positive vibes and wishful thinking. It required skilled teams to create real, tangible results.

Likewise, when the trust between you and your spouse is damaged, rebuilding it takes effort, vision, and a solid plan. Sooner or later, you’ll need to consider how to repair the trust that was broken in your relationship. And let’s be clear — trust isn’t rebuilt with just positive thinking or internal reflection. It takes real, concrete actions that both you and your spouse can see.

Trust Requires More Than Just Internal Focus

One popular piece of advice about rebuilding trust is to “challenge your mistrusting thoughts” or “trust your intuition.” While there’s value in being aware of your reactions, that alone isn’t enough to mend the damage. This is like an engineer standing by a broken bridge and imagining how it could be fixed. Sure, it’s a good start, but without real construction, the bridge stays broken.

Imaginary bridges don’t reconnect the two sides of a river, just like imagining better communication won’t fix trust that’s been broken in your relationship. You both need to see actual changes. You need to see changes in how you talk to each other, how you treat each other, and how you follow through on commitments. It’s not enough to rearrange your own mental furniture — real action is needed to rebuild trust.

Building Trust Needs Concrete Steps

When it comes to trust, you and your spouse need something solid. Something both of you can see, feel, and rely on. It’s about more than just feeling better internally — it’s about creating visible changes that show commitment to the relationship.

In my video “How Can I Trust You Again?” I break down four specific, concrete steps you can take to rebuild trust. These steps give your relationship the solid foundation it needs. It’s not just about what’s happening in your mind, but about the real changes in behavior and communication that are required to heal.

What’s Missing in Your Relationship?

To truly rebuild trust, you need to understand what’s missing in your relationship. It’s easy to think that if you change your thoughts or attitudes, everything will fall into place. But the reality is, your spouse needs to see and feel those changes too. You need to give each other something tangible, a foundation you can both rely on.

Trust is about more than words or thoughts — it’s about actions. It’s about showing that you’re committed to the process of healing and rebuilding. And it’s about making those changes visible, so both you and your spouse feel the difference.

If you’re ready to take the first steps to rebuild trust in your marriage, download “How Can I Trust You Again?” today. In it, I walk you through the exact steps needed to rebuild your relationship and repair the trust that’s been damaged. Trust doesn’t happen by accident — it happens by design.