When Will My Husband Get Over My Affair?

A hurting wife sent me an email with the question, “When will my husband ever get over my affair?” Getting over an affair is a gut-wrenching challenge. Putting a time frame on how long it will take creates the pressure of expectations for each of you.

First, I can tell you that it will take longer for him to get over it than for you to get over it. Although in today’s age, the expectation is that there are scientifically established time frames for things like this to happen.

If you consult Scripture, the passage in Proverbs 6 concerning adultery (Proverbs 6:32-35) and the husbands reaction to what happened, it will take a while. It mentions “he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not regard any ransom, neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts”. The picture is painted of a wound that never heals or a stain that never goes away.

Another thing to consider is that each husband is different. Some hold onto hurts for a long time, while others are more inclined to put things behind them sooner. One thing that is for sure is that with hurts like an affair, each time they focus on it, there is a possibility that they will re-open the emotional wound and start the process all over again. This wash, rinse, repeat cycle can continue for a while.

I also have to wonder what she means by ‘get over’ her affair. Is she looking for when he is willing to calm down about it, when he quits bringing it up or when he forgives her for what she did? If she is looking for when he goes back to the way he was before the affair, it won’t happen. If she is looking for when the two of them work through what happened, that is achievable.

You need realistic expectations concerning your spouse getting over what you did. Realistic in terms of the time involved and realistic in terms of what ‘getting over’ means to you and them.

What I can tell you is that there is no getting over the affair without talking about it. Talking about the affair is a requirement. This is a situation without any easy answers that requires honest, straightforward communication with each other. There is no dancing around what happened or the hurts it brought.

This is where the video “Let’s Talk” comes in. It guides you through the challenges of how to bring up challenging topics so that such issues can be addressed. Order your copy today and start moving forward on both of you getting over what happened.