Why Ghosting Can Be a Blessing in Disguise When Ending an Affair

‘Ghosting’ usually gets a bad rap. It’s seen as a hurtful, abrupt way to end a relationship, leaving the other person blindsided, hurt, and confused. But as harsh as it seems, there are times when ghosting is actually a blessing in disguise. One such time is when you’re ending an affair.

Ghosting, by its very nature, is sudden and final. It offers no explanations, no drawn-out conversations, and no chance for emotional manipulation. As much as it may sting in the short term, it’s effective.

Why do so many people resort to ghosting? Because it works. When you ghost someone, especially in the context of an affair, you sever the relationship completely. There’s no back-and-forth, no messy goodbyes — it’s just over. While the person on the receiving end may feel blindsided, it’s often the cleanest way to make a break.

When it comes to ending an affair, ghosting can be a good thing. I understand that it might seem cruel to ghost someone you’ve been intimate with, but sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is end things quickly and completely.

Ghosting Tests Your Loyalties

When you end an affair by ghosting, it forces you to evaluate your loyalties. Is your loyalty to your spouse or to the affair partner (AP)? You didn’t marry the AP, so you don’t owe them an explanation for ending things, no matter how abruptly. Ghosting delivers a serious blow to their ego, but it’s also a reality check — the relationship wasn’t real. It was an affair. In many ways, it’s the preferred way to end things because it leaves no room for false hope or lingering feelings.

Paul Simon famously sang about the “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” While he didn’t mention ghosting, it could easily be added to the list. There’s no easy way to end an affair, but letting someone down gently often just prolongs the pain for everyone involved. Ghosting allows you to end things swiftly without getting tangled in emotional responses.

The Power and Fallout of Ghosting

Ghosting works because it leaves no room for debate. The other party can’t fight back or try to win you over with arguments or emotional appeals. But that doesn’t mean it’s without its consequences. There will be fallout. The person you ghosted may react with anger, try to reconnect, or even lash out in confusion and pain. But remember, your resolve will be tested. Ghosting cuts off all communication, and that’s why it’s so effective at ending an affair — it severs the emotional entanglement.

Sure, the suddenness of ghosting can feel jarring, but that’s part of its power. It’s an effective way to end things without dragging out the process, and in the case of an affair, that’s exactly what’s needed.

When a reader once wrote in about how their long-term affair was ended by ghosting, they were seeking answers — wondering why it happened and what they did wrong. But my response was one of relief: the affair was over. The reader didn’t see it then, but they had been given a gift — the easiest way out of a long-term affair. Instead of focusing on the pain of rejection, they should be grateful that the affair ended without any lingering drama.

By ghosting, the affair partner had chosen one of the least painful ways to end things. While it’s easy to get caught up in the “why” of it all, the truth is, dragging things out would have only made it worse. Ending things abruptly meant avoiding the dark hole that an affair can drag people into.

Looking Beyond the Pain

No one enjoys the abrupt ending of a relationship, even when it’s the best thing for everyone involved. When you’re faced with an abrupt ending like ghosting, it’s important to focus on the long-term benefits rather than the immediate hurt. Ghosting can prevent further entanglement and offer a clean break, which, in the long run, is better for both parties.

In fact, ghosting can be a wake-up call for the AP. It may prevent them from pursuing future relationships with married individuals. It’s a harsh lesson, but a valuable one.

If you’re struggling with the aftermath of an affair, it’s time to shift your focus. In my video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery,” I share how you can start turning your life around. Rather than running back to the affair partner when the affair ends, you can begin the journey of recovery and transformation.