Why Trauma Makes Your Body Feel Like It’s Betraying You

Having recently experienced a loss myself, I’ve been reminded of the strange deception of trauma. On the surface, I might feel fine — some days, I even convince myself that I’m over it. But then, with just a few words, the tears start flowing. The truth is, even when I think I’m okay, my body has a different story to tell.

Muscle tension, edgy nerves, sleepless nights — those are my body’s reminders that I’m not as “fine” as I’d like to believe. The constant restlessness and racing thoughts are more truthful than my mind. It’s a frustrating paradox. My body is telling me one thing, while my mind tries to insist on another.

It’s like living in two different worlds.

The Disconnect Between Mind and Body

This divide is a common part of the trauma experience. You find yourself in a weird existence where your mind and body are no longer in agreement. Mentally, I tell myself I’m healing. I even have a timetable for when I should be “over” this pain.

But my body? It’s not following that schedule.

Even when my mind says, “I’m getting over this,” my body says otherwise. The sleepless nights, the muscle aches, the tension — it all speaks louder than my thoughts. This is denial. It’s that stage of trauma where you think you’ve moved on, but your body refuses to let you forget.

It’s frustrating because my mind understands what’s happening, but my body continues to wrestle with the pain.

Trauma Doesn’t Follow Your Timetable

When you’re going through trauma, whether from loss or affair-related betrayal, your mind wants to set a deadline for healing. We like to think, “I’ll be over this by next month,” or “I just need to get past this week.”

The reality? Trauma heals at its own pace. You can’t force it to go faster.

It’s like trying to rush a wound to heal. No amount of wishing, positive thinking, or distraction can make it disappear overnight. The healing process is slow, and you can’t choreograph it to fit your schedule. Books and techniques might offer temporary relief, but real healing takes time.

The Frustration of Waiting for Healing

This process is especially frustrating when dealing with something like affair trauma. You need healing — now. You need ways to soothe yourself daily. I know the frustration of waiting for things to get better. It’s agonizing when the healing process feels so slow.

But here’s the thing: You can’t rush trauma. You can’t fast-forward through the pain, and you can’t trick your body into thinking it’s okay when it isn’t.

Instead, what you can do is learn ways to self-soothe — ways to take the edge off a little bit each day. That’s how healing works. It’s not a race to the finish line, but a gradual process. A little bit of healing happens each day, and over time, you find yourself in a better place.

Applying Self-Soothing Techniques

If you’re facing affair trauma, it’s critical to find daily self-soothing techniques. It’s not enough to know what to do — you actually have to apply those techniques consistently. Knowledge alone won’t move you past the pain.

In my video “Overcoming Affair Trauma,” I guide you through ways to unwind from the tension that trauma brings. You’ll learn practical techniques that allow you to release some of the tension each day. It’s not an overnight fix, but it’s a start.

Just remember, healing doesn’t happen on your timetable. You can’t rush it. You can’t avoid it. But you can take small steps each day to move forward.