Archive for July, 2007
Affairs are expensive. They often cost those involved their reputation, jobs, family and in some cases their lives. I often tell people that an affair always ends in death, whether emotional, spiritual, financial or physical, there is a death. http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/07/31/italy.scandal.reut/
In the case of this Italian lawmaker, his career is over, despite whatever good he was […]
Have you ever considered the reason for calling infidelity an affair? The word affair glamorized infidelity. The word infidelity carries with it the whole connotation of ‘infidels’ and ‘loyalty’. It implies that someone has not been loyal to their matrimonial promises. Those that have not been loyal are seen as infidels. The word infidel also […]
Presuppositions. I know that it is a complicated word. What a presuppositions boils down to is “what are you REALLY wanting?”. The issue that really drives you is key in dealing with the aftermath of an affair. In considering the presupposition, you will find yourself looking at the question “What do I REALLY want?”
Do you […]
Within the recovery community, there is a saying that ‘normal’ is a setting on the washing machine. There is some wisdom in how that group approaches the topic of ‘normal’. In recovering from an affair, although you may want to go back to ‘normal’, in most cases, normality is not your friend. Even wanting to […]
One of the most visible effects of the infidelity is distance. The distancing may be physical, emotional or spiritual. The child no longer feels the closeness to the parent that may have once existed. Some people may even withdraw from the parent, creating even greater distance.
In terms of dealing with the distance, the degree which […]
Once the adult child discovers that their parent had or is having an affair, there is an evaluation that occurs. In that evaluation, they consider if it is an active affair or one that occurred in the past. They look at to what degree they have been lied to. They look at whether or not […]
Although I have briefly addressed the effects of affairs on small children, another topic that is often overlooked is the effects of affairs on the adult children. One of the big issues that comes up with adult children is that of betrayal. When the child learns of the parent’s affair, they often feel like they […]
In the aftermath of an affair, taking care of yourself is important. Simple things like getting the correct amount of sleep, eating right and exercising become chores. Although these activities require effort, they are important in mastering your day to day survival. At first, you may feel robotic and have to force yourself in doing […]
Every mechanic will tell you that preventive maintenance is always preferred to repairs. The same is true regarding counselors and marriages. Preventative changes are always preferred to having to be forced into changes through repair. Although common sense and experience validate these behaviors, humans, especially in marriage do not operate that way. With people, there […]
Affairs are expensive. They are costly in both time and money. I have been amazed at how those having affairs are caught up in a blind drive of both self-seeking passion and self-destruction. When in the midst of the affair, they are blind to the cost of what is happening. They are blind to the […]
