What Happens When the Affair Fog Lifts

In some ebooks and previous emails, I've addressed the topic of the ‘affair fog.’ This term refers to the state of mind the cheater experiences related to the affair when they are ‘out of it.’ An astute reader recently asked what happens once the affair fog lifts. This is a crucial question as understanding this phase can significantly impact the path to recovery.

When the affair fog lifts, the betrayer is finally able to engage and connect with others in a meaningful way. They’re also able to think clearly and genuinely be present with you. Typically, the fog lifts mentally before it lifts emotionally. It would be ideal if it happened all at once, but that’s not typical.

Mental Clarity Before Emotional Engagement

Once the affair fog lifts, the cheater can finally hear you and deal with the facts about what happened. Attempts to engage them while they’re in the fog are often filled with confusion and misdirection. They were lost and not thinking clearly, so any answers you received during that time were equally unclear.

Like anyone waking up from an altered state, although they’re awake, it doesn’t mean they are ready for everything coming at them full blast. The phrase “It’s like drinking water from a fire hose” applies here. They’re ready to deal with reality, yet they can still be overwhelmed and relapse back into the fog if they’re not careful.

Avoiding Overwhelm

When you hit them with everything at once, it’s overwhelming. Look for signs that they are nearing their limit. When you see those indications, stop before you go too far. Your concerns are valid and real, yet that doesn’t mean they’re immediately urgent.

You can complete any journey one step at a time, and the journey to affair recovery is no exception. When the fog lifts, start dealing with them and the issues one at a time. Focus your attention on your main concern. Although you want all issues addressed, relationships work best when they are tackled one at a time.

Addressing High-Risk Situations

One critical aspect that needs attention is dealing with triggers and high-risk situations that can lead to affair relapse. Reducing the danger of relapse is essential. When there’s little to no risk of relapse, it increases the likelihood of your concerns being addressed effectively.

In my video on “Preventing Affair Relapse,” I cover topics like the relapse prevention plan, high-risk situations, and triggers. If you don’t know what to look for, you can be blindsided by something unexpected. Handling the period when the betrayer comes out of the affair fog is crucial. How you handle it shapes how much longer affair recovery is going to take.

Take action today and start turning things around in a positive direction.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff