A question I found myself pondering is “What makes affairs prone to trauma?” I know that there is some correlation, yet wondered about the reason for that.
First, let me start by saying not every traumatic thing that happens to you results in PTSD. PTSD occurs after a traumatic event only about 8% of the time. That doesn’t lessen the pain or make it less serious.
This led me to consider what specific factors happen in affairs that makes them prone to trauma.
Since affairs are personal matters, the damage is personal. It’s also intentional and surrounded by secrecy. When it happens it also produces sensations of helplessness, and could happen again.
The more personal the relationships involved, the greater the risk of trauma. The moral conflict associated with affairs also contributes to the trauma features. You feel like you lost a life and can’t get it back.
The affairs attacks you at a personal and intimate level. Someone who knew you in the most personal way has betrayed you.
If affairs were accidental, one time occurrences that you had power over, the risk of trauma would be significantly lower. When the event is talked about openly, poses no threat to your morals or social circle, they would still be irritating, but no longer traumatic. When you know you can move past it, the threat is lessened.
When cheaters attempt convincing you that “it meant nothing” or that it was “an accident”, they’re downplaying the affair and its impact. At some level, they know that when it’s personal, immoral and intentional, that the hurt is greater. By downplaying their intentionality and planning, they hope to minimize the pain.
Another set of issues that makes affairs traumatic is when you’ve had some earlier life traumas. Those early life incidents and the emotional baggage with them are triggered by affairs. This triggers produces a feeling of revictimization.
What is clear is that the sooner you take action in moving past the traumatic events and sooner you develop resiliency, the sooner you’ll adjust emotionally to what has happened.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you’ll gain the skills needed in improving resiliency along with getting unstuck from the traumatic feelings. You can move past what happened to you and get your life back.
The next tough question for you, is “How soon do you want your life back?”
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
