On January 9, 2020, talk show host, Loni Love created a twitter storm and strong reactions from comments she made on her show, The Real. On the show, she made a connection between slavery and Black men’s infidelity.
Making such a connection triggered reactions across the internet and in many of the homes watching or reading about what was said. If she was after attention, she certainly found a way of capturing it with such a comment.
I initially addressed my reactions to her comment on one of my other sites. In that response, I point out my concerns with her making such a connection.
Her other comment which gets lost in all the reactions is one worth further consideration. She pointed out, “… we need to work on building good relationships that honor women.”
I agree with her on this point. Her suggested solution of building better relationships is a good one. Every marriage benefits from better relationships, especially in the aftermath of an affair. The longer one stays in an affair the more difficult it becomes to end it. The relationship suffers and any good that existed before is undermined by trust issues, anger, resentment, miscommunication, abandonment fears—just to name a few.
I wished Loni had stressed that damaged relationships can be repaired. The emotional wounds between two people can be healed. Just as the hurts of previous generations have a lasting impact, the healing of the present generation or lack of it leaves a lasting impression as well.
I would add that we need relationships that honor both men and women. When one is degraded, the other is brought down as well. Take porn for example. With the proliferation of porn, each sex is dishonored and degraded. Porn brings everyone involved down to a bestial level of baseness. Sensitivity is lost.
Men are reduced to the lowest common denominator of humanity. Women are reduced to mere objects that exist solely for men’s pleasure. The degradation is not lost on either sex. I have heard both complain about it. They don’t have to have experience with porn to understand how it works against them as a couple or individuals.
Affairs bring both of you dishonor. Although the cheater did the dirty, each of you carries part of the burden of shame. Ignoring the affair won’t lessen the impact or the shame.
Violating the boundaries of your marriage brings dishonor. You made promises to God and in front of your friends and family. Those violations disrespect everyone involved and in attendance at your wedding.
The longer you delay dealing with the affair, the slimier things become. Now is the time to address the affair, the issues behind it, and start honoring each other and your marriage relationship.
Loni was right about the need to work on building relationships that honor women. Recovering from the affair and healing your marriage is a way of restoring honor to your spouse and your marriage.
In my video of the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop‘, I share the steps needed in turning your marriage situation around. You can know what to say, when, and how when it comes to sensitive topics.
Instead of every discussion turning into high drama fights, you can know better ways of resolving conflicts and changing the bad habits that are plaguing your marriage.
Within minutes you could be taking steps that bring honor back to your marriage and spouse.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
