During my college years I worked as a bill collector with allied Finance. Being a bill collector taught me about human nature and myself.
I found myself repossessing automobiles, stereo equipment and once had to collect the engagement ring of a former girlfriend. Collecting money had ways of cutting through niceties.
If there is a sure way of forcing people to deal with reality, it’s when you touch their money. I also learned ways of dealing with rejection. Asking others for money they owe brings out a side you don’t like seeing.
After a while, I disliked going collecting. My boss sensed that and learned the importance of limiting my awareness to the next customer instead of having the whole list of customers.
He knew I’d attempt rushing through the list instead of giving full attention and effort one account at a time. Although I don’t like admitting it, he was right.
By going one account at a time, I achieved better collections.
In a similar manner, when facing an affair, you want to know everything ahead and all the steps needing taking. That’s precisely what you don’t need.
When you have the complete road map, you don’t put your full effort into each necessary step in recovery. You need the information one step at a time.
You may want to tackle relationship dynamics, motivations and the psychogenesis of affairs, when your attention needs to be on getting out of bed and not taking revenge in dealing with your hurts.
You need experience in establishing healthy daily routines before tackling what’s inside your spouse. When you aren’t clear on what’s inside of you, so how can you be ready to handle what’s inside of them?
Sure, it may be easier focusing on them, yet each of you need healing separately before understanding all the motivations and intricacies of the affair.
Taking the affair recovery steps in the right order may feel like you are in the slow lane. You are also in a place where you can heal before picking up speed.
Your marriage is too important to only half-heal. A half-healed marriage is still sick.
This is why the unique sequence of the “Affair Recovery Workshop” is set up in the order it’s in. You need healing and practice before tackling the more esoteric parts of the affair.
Rather than rushing through the steps in a couples weekend, stay at each step until the healing is done that you need there. When you take it one step at a time rather than completing the whole thing as fast as possible, it also allows for greater healing in your marriage relationship.
Best Regards,
Jeff
