When in comes to dealing with affairs, the public and family don’t react the same to all types of affairs. They each have unique challenges and questions.
When affairs occur in reaction to ‘severe’ abuse or neglect, there’s more acceptance of what happened than when occurring under different circumstances.
Friends and family members view are more accepting of this type of affair. They may even approve of the affair rather than view it as a revenge thing.
Another type of affair that’s often viewed as ‘understandable’ are those based on survival. There is less condemnation of affairs under abuse or neglect circumstances. In fact, family members may even encourage affairs in those situations.
In many ways, the neglect/abuse affairs are also driven by survival. Survival also takes in account when people find themselves engaging in an affair for the survival of themselves or their family. People in such situations often feel desperate and their choices limited.
The forced marriages that victims were coerced to be a part of in the crack down on Iranian dissidents would fall into this type of situation. There may also be blackmail or some other threat hanging over people’s heads. Being forced into a marriage against your will certainly constitutes a situation with an affair dynamic, if not blatant blackmail.
In the movie, ‘Casablanca’, there was a couple where the wife considered an affair as a way of surviving their refugee status. Although the main character, Rick rescued her, she still faced some difficult moral choices.
In such situations, it is often understood that people did what they had to do. Choice was not seen as an option.
When affairs are driven by ‘social affiliation’ there’s greater disapproval. Such affairs are when someone has an affair to ‘be seen’ or to ‘fit in’. In such circumstances, the affair and those participating are often seen as either ‘sluts’ or players.
Affairs conducted as part of doing business or moving up the career ladder are done as part of ‘fitting in’. This also includes affairs by sports celebrities in a display of proving how ‘cool’ they are.
The disapproval of social affairs often continues long after the affair occurred. Those involved are often seen as having made ‘bad choices’.
In both the survival affair and the social affiliation affair, the partners cheated.
The big differences concern circumstances, motives and choices available at the time. Each situation remains an affair, but the healing process afterward are very different.
Those in survival affairs often recover sooner than those whose affair was more about social affiliation. There’s something about having an affair to survive that makes it more tolerable than you entered voluntarily.
If you’ve been in one of these situations, there is a strong possibility you have symptoms associated with affair trauma. If you find yourself dealing with such symptoms, you no longer have to suffer in silence.
You no longer have to deal with depressed moods, sleep problems, anxiety, nervous stomach or obsessive thoughts related to the affair. The video, “Dealing with Affair Trauma” provides you with the tools and techniques of getting you unstuck. You can have your life back again.
Best Regards,
Jeff
