The therapist Carl Rogers is credited with many things. One of those is the importance of ‘unconditional love’. I think the PC term is “unconditional positive regard”. He viewed this quality as essential to healthy relationships. In considering his ideas, it occurred to me that affairs are just the opposite. They are ‘conditional’ relationships. These relationships often have many strings attached. Even the ones that say “no strings” have strings (This reminds me of how my wife and I used to joke about how many wires are needed for wireless computer set ups). The strings (conditions) are always there, whether they are tangible or intangible. If you truly believe there are no strings, try returning to the way you were living prior to the affair and see if there are not some reactions. Granted the lover may hide their reactions from you. Rest assured that affairs are conditional relationships. Those conditions, like legal fine print are always part of the deal. Assuming that they do not exist is a self-deception. Some of those strings may be ‘time capsules’ where they come back later and say, “you owe me”, but rest assured they exist. Only foolish soldiers place traps out in the open where they are easily seen.
Given that the nature of affairs is that of conditional relationships, it follows that they will be unhealthy. Unhealthy for you and the lover. If unconditional love is needed for emotional health, then the conditional love in the affair relationship is one sure way to ruin your emotional, mental and psychological health.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
