As unpleasant as it sounds, many of you and your spouses were groomed for an affair long before it happened. Although the affair may have seemed to have ‘just happened’, the reality is that what occurred was the product of years of being groomed for what occurred. It is not just movies that glorify affairs, which I have addressed before, it is also the whole dating scene, with all the break-ups and getting back together. The dating world trains you to view members of the opposite sex as ‘interchangeable’, when one does not work, try another. Although you finally choose one, the tendency to have the mindset of ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ remains. Commitment last until it is uncomfortable, and then you make your change.
The dating scene in many ways is consumerism with relationships. You are trained to consume and move on, leaving behind the remains and left overs for someone else. There is no accountability or responsibility, just use and dispose. This way of thinking remains with many long after they are married. You can blame the lover, yet the seeds for the affair may have started back when they were dating.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
I so agree. I have not only seen this to be the case in past relationships but also family cultures. My husband’s family got close with another family during his sports activities . The father of one of his team mates hried him for one of his first jobs. The man had a prestigious job with a respected company . When I met him we were already married . I somehow did not ‘connect the dots’ that the man had a young attractive blond wife and a brand new baby but he was somewhere in the fifty to sixty range. The team mate of my husband was in his mid twenties.
I was not accustomed to thinking ‘evil’ of anyone but today I realize this man was in his second marriage to his OW …I guess the family of my husband seemed so clean cut that I did not think of this as something that was the case! How naive!
This man also taught my husband to always use cash! Now I realize this is a very good way to go but this man taught it to my husband so when my husband became unfaithful it was easily able to cover his monetary tracks’ even though he did not need to since I trusted him completely and never NEVER even looked at our financials!
I was not all that good in all matters financial and numbers and my husband was VERY keen with all of that …his ‘long suit’ if you will
Being such a clean cut good guy I never thought I would have to wonder about him ….This ‘MO” of his character failed big time as he entered into the financial industry and climbed high and swiftly ….sorrow upon sorrow has come from his lack of concern about keeping himself on a moral track .
Pride and arrogance cause blindness to ones slide into sinful mindset.
Yes dating …even as I review his past ..what little he had before our marriage is tale tell ..I once asked him if he had ever had his heartbreak when his past relationships ended…he said No that they were mutual and ended friendly …I think that is a lie or that he never invested himself in them enough to feel any hurt from them
As I see with our marriage and even his OW he seems not to have a lot of pain over them …only over what I have pointed out it has done to the children of both situations….Too bad he did not think of this before he had children with his OW …
He now invests himself in them ….and his work …and stays at our home but remains distant in terms of our relationship …he is causing even more instability with his insistence that our marriage is “over’ but he wants to stay within the family….
Our recent anniversary he commented ‘why celebrate?” ….heart break upon heart break…..
Now reading a book “Forever and Always The art of Intimacy” by Celestia G. Tracy & Steven R Tracy Copyright 2011 which speaks of this consumerism effect you brought up here ….good read.