In today’s world, ‘hate’ and ‘haters’ are often given negative connotations. When you’re dealing with a cheater with a sexual addiction, you’ll have to get over any hang-ups you have about the word and concept of ‘hate’.
When you’re dealing with an addiction, you’ve got to face some simple facts. One of the fist is the addict has to ‘hate’ the addiction BEFORE they’ll be able to get past it. If they don’t HATE it, they will not conquer it.
It’s only when you hate all aspects of the addiction, that you quit making room for it. Any area where the addict tolerates rather than hates the addiction is room for problems.
Take for example, porn. If you want to overcome a porn addiction, you will have to learn to hate all aspects of it. When you don’t hate it, you will find yourself making room for it and accommodating it.
You will have ‘secret stashes’ of porn, so that it is only a short distance away, or in these days of computers a few clicks away. When you do not hate, you accommodate. That is as simple as it gets.
No hate=Accommodate.
In order to move past the addiction, you’ll have to remove any opening or possibility of it coming back into your life. Although sexual addictions are stimulating, they ruin your life, ruin your marriage and leave you an emotional wasteland.
That means that as a spouse, you’ll have to quit turning a blind eye to any aspect of the addiction. You will have to hate the addiction as much as the addict does, maybe even more.
When sexual addictions and affairs mix, the affair is another phase of the addiction. Removing the affair alone is not going to remove the sexual addiction.
This means that you have to quit playing dress-up or partnering in sexual games. You want them interested in you, not your costumes.
If they are more interested or turned on by what you wear, than you, you’re contributing to their addiction. If the cheater is more excited about the ‘games’ you play, than you, there are problems in your midst.
I am not saying to quit looking nice for your spouse, I am saying quit dressing overly sexy. You may be contributing to the problem and not realize it.
This also means that tolerance for some television shows and movies stops. When you know what triggers the cycles of addiction, you view things differently. You start seeing the danger in things you formerly tolerated.
If you’ve been wondering why you and the cheater are not getting past the addiction, it could very well be that the two of you have not learned to hate.
There’s a time and place for every emotion, including ‘hate’. When you are dealing with addition, you will need all the energy and stamina that hate can generate.
You’ll need to throw away your politically correct ideas of ‘haters aren’t welcome’. When it comes to sexual addiction, you need to have a welcome mat at the door inviting ‘hate’ to come in.
Best Regards,
Jeff
