A reader recently asked “Any advice for a female seduced by her married boss? I never wanted to get into it and now I’m having a difficult time getting out of it.”
Anytime you are seduced by an authority figure, like a boss, there are problems. Whether the authority figure is a boss, teacher, commanding officer, pastor, priest, psychologist, physician, or politician there are challenges.
Any affair is complicated when there is a power imbalance. Many people in powerful positions are not well versed in handling the admiration of those under them. They often confuse admiration with advances.
When admiration and advances are confused, every interaction becomes highly energized. There is both the energy that comes with being a powerful position and sexual energy as well. That combined energy can be exciting at first, but it also brings high stress levels as well.
Getting out of such affair situations brings challenges and headaches.
First, you will need to know what the law is concerning your situation. If you are in the military, the Uniform Code of Justice addresses such situations. With many professions, there are laws regarding the exploitation of patients, customers, employees, etc.
Knowing what the law is and whether it applies in your situation is a good place to start. This step lets you know what some of your options are.
You also need to know who you are dealing with. Some bosses are vindictive. Exposing an affair may pose a risk to your job, your career or in some cases, you life.
When you are dealing with a potentially dangerous situation, proceed with caution. Safety is always the first priority.
The next priority after safety, is removing yourself from the affair situation, the third is exposing the cheater.
It may not be worth the trouble of exposing the cheater. Even when you don’t threaten them or seek exposure of their secret life, they may feel vulnerable with you knowing their secret.
By knowing who you are dealing with, you can size up what risks you will be exposed to.
When you decide on taking action, first stop the affair, then extricate yourself or in some cases, do both. Transferring out of the office may be an option.
During the time you are taking action, you want to avoid any potentially compromising situations or being alone with the cheater. They misconstrue signals and may interpret in ways you did not intend.
Using rumors and high drama to deal with such situations often backfires more often than it succeeds. Adding drama to any affair situation always complicates rather than solves things.
You are trying to pull out of the situation. Investing more emotional energy creates more connection with the cheater.
The extrication (e.g. pulling yourself out of it) is just the first phase. Some cheaters will do anything to prolong their connection with you. Keeping them out of your life is a whole other post.
The video, “Help for the Cheater: starting the Road to Recovery” guides you through other parts of ending the affair.
Just click the link, fill out the form and within minutes you’ll be equipping yourself with what you need for turning things around.
Best Regards
Jeff
