One of the challenges I face as a counselor is deep diving into lies. Deep diving into lies often involves sorting out what kind of lies are being told. I also face the challenge of considering what the payoff of the lies are along with where the lies are going to end up.
I also have to consider whether they are believing their lies or even know that they are lying. Surprisingly, lies surround us so much, they are often not even recognized as lies.
You are surrounded by lies in the form of advertising, fake news, political speeches, sports talk or even gossip at the beauty salon. Being surrounded like that desensitizes you to many of the lies.
I even read a book entitled “On Bullshit” in my research on lying.
Most people never deep dive into lies to such a degree. You just know that you hate being lied to. If you’re really on top of your game, you start recognizing some of the lies.
An irony about lies is that people often get angrier when you tell the truth than when you tell them a lie. Although it seems that telling the lie should make you angrier, that’s not what generally happens.
You may even want to test it out. When you really got angry, was it because someone told you a truth you didn’t like or was it when you were lied to?
Dealing with lies is a major part of affair recovery. There are often so many lies, that each of you have grown accustomed to them. Even when they are ‘white lies’ about whether something makes your butt look big or their evaluation of your latest meal, they are still lies.
You may even find yourself lying because if you were honest, it may start a fight or lead to conversations you don’t want to have right now.
The most insidious part of lies is that they breed more lies. One lie leads to another, until you are fully surrounded by lies. At that point, it’s hard sorting out what the truth is.
The biggest danger of lying is that “All relapse begins with lies“. Even when they are well-intentioned, one lie leads to another. When you are recovering from an affair, you can’t afford living with lies. Once they start, it leads to a relapse.
The best way of stopping the relapse is knowing the dangers BEFORE they happen. The video “Overcoming Affair Relapse” guides you in removing the dangers that lead to relapse, including the lies. Just because you don’t recognize the lie when you hear it, doesn’t mean it’s not a threat to recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
