There are times I hear things that are so contradictory that my head does a double-take. Typically this happens when what someone does is the total opposite of what they just said.
Recently I found myself dealing with one of those double-take moments when an AP told me that she refused going back to her spouse, but instead wants to continue her long-term affair since it is ‘true love‘. On hearing that, I shook my head and did my double-take.
I thought to myself that the husband who has stood beside her over the years and is willing to take her back has more true love than her AP. Her AP is now ending their relationship and refused leaving his wife for a life with the adulteress.
Her comment made no sense to me. Sure, it’s filled with romantic notions, but that’s not ‘true love’. If she were dealing with ‘true love’, then she would truly honor the marriage commitment to her spouse.
Calling her affair ‘true love‘ is an act of fiction. That kind of fiction sells movies and romance novel, while wrecking families and marriages. That kind of ‘true love’ is also the life blood of long term affairs and gives love addicts a high-octane rush.
I’m reminded of a quote by Vendyl Jones who said “It’s easier selling fiction than facts. Fiction doesn’t bother one’s conscience, whereas facts are sometimes emotionally disturbing.”
In her case, the fiction is not only selling her having a long-term affair, she’s also using it as an excuse for dismembering her marriage. True love, on the other hand would honor the love commitment she made on marrying her husband. It would also work through whatever issues have strained her marriage.
What she calls ‘true love’ is a fiction. She wants to live out her fiction, rather than deal with the real relationship in front of her. Even the one she is cheating with is staying with his spouse rather than living out her true love fiction.
With love addicts, they are constantly chasing after the euphoria of ‘true love’. Along the way, they are willing to sacrifice family, stability, reputation and common sense.
The truth in this true love is that her long term affair isn’t what she thought it was and her marriage isn’t as bad as she thought it was either.
She imagined her and her lover each leaving their spouse and starting a new life together. In her mind, this time her marriage is based on ‘true love’.
Her fiction gives her a fantasy to chase after rather than face the emotionally disturbing reality of her marriage and her lover’s choices.
If you or your spouse is caught up in chasing after the fiction of ‘true love’ rather than the factual marriage the two of you have, it’s time to download the Affair Recovery Workshop.
Within minutes you can have the tools you need for dealing with the affair mess and the techniques for turning your marriage around. Rather than throw away a perfectly good marriage, you can be repairing what’s not working.
Imagine the peace of mind that comes from having the security of a healthier marriage relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
