While walking my dogs, I stop and talk with the neighbors. Today while walking them I followed my routine.
During the course of our conversation, he remarked “Anyone who has an affair is an idiot!” His statement caught me off guard for a moment. Although his statement was harsh, I thought it was worth looking into.
I had viewed idiots as those who are not intellectually bright. Knowing some cheaters devise elaborate ways of hiding what they’ve done, my initial response was guarded skepticism.
Since his first wife had an affair and left him, I understand his harshness.
When an affair happens to you, it changes how you talk about things. The hurt is painful and eventually bleeds over to your language. You have names for the lover, the cheater and what they did.
You choose words that cut through all the niceties and soft peddling. My neighbor’s hurt cut through the niceties as well. He’s not a person who is subtle and indirect especially when it comes to affairs.
I always enjoy talking with him, although his bluntness sometimes surprises me, although I should be used to it now. His blunt statement motivated me to consider whether cheaters are idiots. So I rushed home and considered the definition of ‘idiot’.
The synonyms for idiot are private, vulgar, unskilled, foolish and simple. I went down the checklist.
Do cheaters do what they do in private? Check
Are cheaters engaging in vulgar behavior? Check
Are cheaters unskilled? In many cases, they are unskilled in solving conflicts and working through issues with their spouse or unskilled in controlling impulses. Once again, Check. If they had the problem solving skills for a marriage relationship, they wouldn’t stepped outside of their marriage in looking for ‘love’.
Are cheaters foolish in what they do? Since they don’t consider the consequences or long term impact, they receive another check.
Are cheaters simple? Although they can devise complex plans, they are often simple in terms of engaging in unwise action. So check this one as well.
Although I initially thought he was ‘over the top’ with saying grouping cheaters in with idiots but his statement “Anyone who has an affair is an idiot!” is true.
If you’re dealing with a cheater or a cheater wanting help, consider downloading the Affair Recovery Workshop. There you’ll find straight, useful information along with answers to your concerns about the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
