The first time I witnessed the ‘flight from intimacy’ involved a grown man literally running from others attempting to get close to him. He literally ran from anyone getting close to him.
He managed to avoid it for years. In his case, he used anger as his way of keeping others away. He could have easily used drugs, alcohol, or affairs as well. They all have ways of keeping others from getting too close.
In his case, the flight was a full-out sprint away from intimacy. There was so much pain in his life, he preferred running from intimacy since it stirred up painful memories.
Anytime you or your spouse faces trauma, there is a temptation for running away from intimacy. In healthy people, this urge is resisted. They’ve learned that facing intimacy is more rewarding than running from it.
The ability to be intimate with another person is one of the most rewarding experiences we can have in life. It’s also one of the most difficult. When you face intimacy, you’re opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt.
It’s much easier to build walls and keep people out than it is to let them in. Those fleeing intimacy wish to avoid the real vital struggle with those they are close to.
Although some have learned about how essential intimacy is, not everyone has. You or your spouse may be one of those who avoid intimacy. The affair itself could be a way of avoiding intimacy.
If the lover is someone who they’ll never get close to, it’s a safe bet that the affair involves a flight from intimacy.
You may know that your marriage needs improved intimacy. It may also need help in stopping the flight from intimacy. The flight has to be stopped BEFORE what intimacy you have can be improved.
If you try getting close before stopping the flight from intimacy, you may be scaring your spouse and driving them away without realizing it.
One place to start turning the situation around is by dealing with traumas and resolving them before taking steps that improve intimacy. Removing the traumas together will help create an environment conducive to intimacy.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you can learn ways of moving past the traumas in your life rather than finding a new way of running from them and the possibility of intimacy.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
