Ameena and the Grooming Swingers

Ameena came to me distraught. She found herself devastated after what happened in her marriage.

She tried dealing with the pain by herself, yet the crying episodes and guilt over what happened were more than she could handle. She was also tormented by thoughts of losing her husband’s love. It was overwhelming.

Although she viewed herself as a strong woman, what she was experiencing took her to dark places she never dreamed of. She and her husband had tried swinging for the first time, and now she regretted ever considering it.

Ameena shared how the other couple had subtly pressured her about how ‘fun’ swinging was and how much they enjoyed it. As Ameena continued describing what happened, it became clear that she and her husband had been groomed by swingers.

Grooming for swinging and affairs is widespread. ‘Groomers’ act like cheerleaders, playing up all the benefits of straying across the boundaries of marriage. While highlighting the benefits, they avoid mentioning the fallout and consequences.

The consequences vary from guilt, rampant substance abuse, fostering sexual addiction, and pornography to deep depression and suicidal ideation. Straying always takes you further than you intended, and those grooming you intentionally push you way outside of your comfort zone.

Activities that you never wanted to do and people you never intended to be with become part of your new reality after succumbing to the groomers.

Groomers use a variety of strategies and techniques to seduce you and your spouse. These strategies range from the excitement of costume play (e.g., dress-up) to pseudo-science about how humans aren’t naturally ‘monogamish.’

By making straying look hip and fashionable, they play on the potential victim's FOMO (fear of missing out). In doing so, they use your own fears against you.

Grooming puts you in a position filled with tension. The groomers construct the tension so that their option looks like the preferred choice for reducing it.

Experienced groomers know ways of circumventing your values and morals. They’ll also do it in a way that twists you and your mind in ways you never imagined. They seduce their victims mentally, physically, and morally.

Grooming is a very real threat to your marriage. The groomers never show their true colors or their true intentions until it’s too late. It’s common for them to use the leverage of their relationship with you to push you into things.

Getting out is possible. You can escape what you’ve gotten into. Although you can’t change what happened, you can change how you respond to it and start reclaiming your own life and sexuality.

In the video ‘Relationship Trauma for Swingers,’ I share ways of starting that change in your own life and mind. I encourage you to download it and start making healthy choices.

You didn’t get to where you are with one choice. It was a series of choices. It will take a series of healthy choices to get you out of that place as well.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff