Battling Affair Temptations and Staying True to Your Relationship

In a recent email, a reader mentioned struggling with temptations as they pulled out of affairs. Although they aren't having an affair, they continue having thoughts about having one.

The thought of having an affair is torment for them. They feel like they're fighting themselves when it comes to temptation. They're torn between the thrill of excitement and the distaste of cheating on their spouse.

Temptations can be incredibly strong and difficult to resist, especially when it comes to something as taboo as having an affair. The thought of engaging in such behavior can bring about intense internal conflict and turmoil.

It's important to remember that temptation is a natural part of being human. We are constantly bombarded with various desires and impulses, some of which may not align with our values or what we know to be right or wrong. However, the key lies in how we respond to these temptations.

It would be nice if temptation operated like a light switch. If you could turn it on or off and it stayed that way, dealing with affairs would be easy. The just say "NO" approach for some is a struggle. Many cheaters and would-be cheaters dream of temptation being easily controlled with a switch. The mantra of "I just wish I could simply turn it off" has been heard by many of you.

Although biologically, the controls for your thoughts technically operate like a light switch, when it comes to controlling them, it's a Herculean task. There are reasons why controlling tempting thoughts is so challenging.

One reason is that when you have trained yourself to give in to them, turning them off goes against that training. Your mind has developed a habit of giving in. Those habits don't change easily.

When you gave in to your temptations, you wore a pathway for your nerves to travel on. Your nerves prefer well-worn pathways and superhighways to seldom-used trails in your brain. It takes effort to change those pathways and create new ones.

But it's not impossible. With dedication, self-awareness, and support from loved ones or a therapist, you can learn to resist temptation and redirect your thoughts toward healthier behaviors. It may take time and effort, but the rewards of staying true to your values and maintaining healthy relationships are worth it.

Remember that resisting temptation doesn't mean ignoring or suppressing your desires altogether. Instead, it means acknowledging them and finding healthier ways to fulfill them. This could involve finding new hobbies or activities that bring excitement into your life without harming yourself or others.

Changing your thoughts can be done, although it requires effort and community. When you have the right tools and techniques, the pathways are changeable. You are not doomed to years of living with the torment of tempting thoughts.

This is where the video, "Overcoming Affair Relapse" can help. In the video, you'll discover the high-risk situations you are exposing yourself to.

One reason the temptation chases after you is that you are putting yourself at risk. Those high-risk situations and triggers are overwhelming your ability to choose wisely.

Temptation is often an issue for both the cheater and the betrayed. The more you know about it, the better able you'll be in dealing with your spouse's temptations.