Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?

One of the effects of an affair is that it leaves you questioning your marriage relationship. It leaves you unsure of where you stand and where the two of you are going. So it made sense when a reader asked, “Can a long-term marriage be successful after infidelity?” In asking the question, they want assurance that the affair doesn’t mean their marriage is over.

But the answer to this question is not going to be a simple one. It’s all dependent on what working things through means for your marriage and how you decide to go about it. I don’t know who started the myth that an affair means your marriage is over, but they’ve ruined many marriages.

A marriage doesn’t end because of an affair. It ends when you decide it's over.

The affair signals that changes are needed. Among those changes are the requirement that the two of you talk about the affair, and what each of you needs and re-evaluate what makes for a successful marriage. A good, working definition of a successful marriage is one where the two of you can solve your problems together. If you can’t do that, then the marriage is over.

So what makes for a successful marriage? To get back to our working definition of success, one where you can solve your problems together.

The two of you have been able to come up with solutions and compromises when they’ve arisen in the past. This includes finding a solution to the affair and the disruption it brought with it.

If your idea of a ‘successful marriage’ is one where uncomfortable topics are avoided, that sex fixes everything or all that matters is appearances, your ideal of a successful marriage is broken.

A successful marriage requires the two of you to put your relationship first.

It’s about loving and supporting each other even when it’s difficult. This is what makes for a successful marriage. It takes both people putting their needs aside, listening to each other’s point of view and being willing to work together.

Sex won’t fix an affair. Avoiding uncomfortable discussions about the affair won’t improve your marriage. When appearances are all that matters, your marriage was in trouble before the affair.

At this point, you and your spouse have to be honest about what your ‘real’ idea of a successful marriage is. You’re at a point where what you’ve said and what’s been done are two different things.

Successful marriages are marriages with love, commitment, honesty and teamwork in helping each of you fulfill your potential. You may have talked a good game over the years. 

Now with the affair, you find out how committed each of you are to your marriage. Are your marriage vows worth keeping or are you prepared to throw them away?

For a long-term marriage to be successful after infidelity, both partners must be willing to put in the work and address the issues that led to the affair. This may involve seeking professional counseling or therapy, as well as open and honest communication between the two of you.

It’s also important to recognize that healing from an affair takes time. It’s not something that can be swept under the rug and ignored. Both partners must be patient and committed to rebuilding trust and repairing their relationship.

One of you slipped and fell. Are you going to help each other at such weak times or give up on them when they let you down? They failed you. Are you going to fail them and your marriage as well?

You’ve got the potential to make things work if you want it to work. You may need some help in knowing what to change and what changes will help the most.

This is where the Affair Recovery Workshop comes in. It guides you in making the necessary changes. It also lets you know where to make adjustments along with changing hidden patterns that contributed to the affair.

So, the answer to the question is yes, you can make a long-term marriage successful. You can use the situation to make some long-overdue changes to your marriage and open up your connection with each other in a way that hasn’t been there for many years.

I want to see your marriage survive. That’s why I’ve put together the best material on what it takes to turn your marriage around in the workshop.

Broken marriages only benefit lawyers, bar owners and disgruntled spouses looking for an exit.