A reader wanted to know about ‘going from infidelity to swinging’. From an addiction perspective, both infidelity and swinging are part of the progression of compulsive sexual behavior.
Let me start by saying there are many types of sexual compulsions and addictions. Some stay in their dark cave with their porn, while others feed their addiction by going to greater sexual exploits.
In their exploits, they engage in increasingly risky behavior. The riskier the behavior, the greater the thrill.
The Descent into Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction takes its victims deeper and deeper into the dark prison of passion. When the addictions take over, you’re forced to give into them. You chase after experiences with greater intensity and risks.
For example, you may progress from affairs to hookers to anonymous sex with strangers. Or you may go from some gentle swats to choking to full-blown sadomasochism.
When the addiction takes over, you crave intense experiences and ignore the damage it does to your marriage and family. Although you chase after the thrills, eventually, your conscience catches up to you.
The Role of Swinging in Sexual Addiction
In order to appease its nagging disapproval, some sexual addicts turn to swinging. The structure of swinging, with spouses giving permission for adultery, provides temporary appeasement to the guilt.
It’s not by accident that swinging involves heavy use of drugs or alcohol to dull your senses. It’s only after you’ve had plenty to drink or drug that you swing.
The Next Step and Its Consequences
A bigger question concerns what happens after the swinging. When swinging is no longer intense or risky enough, you seek a greater high. When you consider the next step, it may wake you up to how far you’ve descended.
What started with some flirting and voyeurism has taken you a long way on this journey. What started with curiosity has taken over more of your life than you realize.
It takes up more of your time in planning your next exploit, fantasizing about it, or covering it up. Your mind starts obsessing about sex to the point where your life revolves around it.
Finding a Way Out
Rather than getting caught up in the continuing downward spiral that comes with swinging, now is a great time for taking steps out of that mess. In the video "Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers," you can start taking the first steps out of the mess.
You didn’t suddenly jump into the mess, and it’s going to take time to get out of it. It’s not an inescapable situation. You can turn your marriage around.
Reflection Questions
- How has the progression from infidelity to swinging impacted your relationship?
- What steps can you take to address the underlying issues driving compulsive sexual behavior?
- How can seeking help and resources like the "Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers" video assist in your journey towards healing?
- What role do drugs and alcohol play in enabling swinging, and how can you address these factors?
- How can you and your partner work together to rebuild trust and intimacy after dealing with sexual addiction?
By reflecting on these questions, couples can better understand the complexities of sexual addiction and take proactive steps towards healing and rebuilding their relationship.
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