Can Your Marriage Survive Wife-Swapping?

A reader asked, “Can a marriage survive wife-swapping?” The simple answer is, “Yes, your marriage can survive wife-swapping.”

The more challenging concern is how wife-swapping or swinging changes your marriage. Surviving wife-swapping is not the same thing as your marriage being the same after wife-swapping.

Your marriage will not be the same after swinging. Wife-swapping changes your marriage, and it changes you.

Changes in Thinking and Perception

One significant area of damage concerns how wife swapping changes your thinking. Wife swapping transforms your wife into a commodity. She is no longer ‘special,’ and your relationship is no longer limited to a unique bond shared only between the two of you. With swapping, she becomes an interchangeable commodity, like Lego blocks that can be switched and swapped depending on what color or shape you are looking for.

You may have considered what happened as ‘sharing’ or ‘expanding your sexual horizons’ or packaged it in some other swanky phrase. The bottom line is that swinging or swapping commoditizes your wife and yourself. It’s not only the wife that becomes a commodity.

The Commoditization of Marriage

Some swingers even go so far as to post photos of themselves or their spouse on the internet, advertising “this week’s special” in hopes of attracting customers or ‘takers.’ Those photos or ads are not about bragging; they are about advertising. Marriages were never designed to be places of commodities and dealing with market forces and advertising.

When marriage becomes a commodity, a shelf life is attached to it. The commodity is in demand for a limited amount of time. When your marriage becomes a commodity, a dynamic is created that is not within the normal dynamics of marriage. It puts an unfamiliar strain on the relationship.

The Damage to Protective Barriers

Once the barriers protecting your marriage have been damaged, they are not so easily repaired. Once the mental shift is made to commodity, what follows is a consumer-oriented mindset. The two of you then start focusing on what your market for your product is. You become concerned with screening out ‘undesirables’ and finding just the right customers for your product. You start looking for the ‘right’ couples to swing or swap with.

Marriages were not designed for market forces. When your marriage turns into a commodity, it also brings a dehumanizing element. This dehumanization will need to be addressed as part of the recovery/survival of the wife swap. You’ll have to restore the dignity back into your marriage.

The Need for Rewiring and Reprogramming

Getting back from swinging is not like turning on or off an electrical switch. Relationships are not analog devices. Before you get out, there will have to be a powering down of things.

You and your spouse will have to rewire and reprogram many things in your thinking, your heart, and your behaviors. Switching your marriage back to a relationship requires a ‘hard reset’ in many areas.

It can be done, yet in order for it to be done right, both of you will be resetting many areas of your lives. Things like “What marriage is?”, “What the purpose of sex is?” “How you view yourself,” “How you view your spouse,” “Boundaries,” and other issues will need re-establishing.

Moving Forward

For added help in recovering from the sudden change, the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers” gets you started in overcoming some of the sensitive issues. This resource provides practical steps and guidance for couples looking to heal and restore their marriage after experiencing the emotional upheaval of wife-swapping.

Reflection Questions

1. How has the commoditization of your marriage affected your relationship and perception of your spouse?
2. What steps can you take to restore the dignity and special bond in your marriage?
3. How can you and your spouse work together to rewire and reprogram your thinking and behaviors after wife-swapping?
4. What are the long-term consequences of allowing market forces to influence your marriage?
5. How can professional counseling or resources like the “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers” video assist in your recovery process?

By reflecting on these questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of the impacts of wife swapping on your marriage and take proactive steps towards healing and rebuilding a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Best Regards,

Jeff